Make a Wish
by TamSibling
Summary: River turns 18 and she makes a wish. Simon:Kaylee and the rest of the crew. Post:Miranda. R for suggestive content. Chapter 3 is NC-17.
1. Chapter 1

Make a Wish (1/5)

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River's face was glowing, lit from below by the bright candles. Her smile was more radiant than Simon could remember seeing in a long while and he returned the wide grin as the rest of the crew finished their off-key rendition of "The Birthday Song."

As it wound to an end Kaylee, sitting at Simon's side and holding his hand tightly, told the younger woman, "C'mon River, blow out the candles an' make a wish."

With an even bigger grin and a devilish twinkle in her wide, brown eyes, River pulled her hair back and bent her mouth close to the small flames. Closing her eyes for a moment, the crew watched in anticipation as her lips moved silently, obviously reciting some kind of want for her eighteenth year, before she puffed out a big breath, dimming all of the ten candles at once.

"Good job, lil' one," Mal nodded approvingly. "'Course if'n you'd had eighteen candles, I ain't so sure you could it done it with just one breath."

"Oh, I don't know Captain," Simon drawled, his eyes dancing as his sister shot him a look, fully aware of what he would say. "She is full of hot air."

More laughter echoed through the room, as Kaylee moved to River's side and helped her dish out pieces of the protein-based cake. It was fairly similar to the one she had baked for Simon all those months ago, except that the frosting was just a bit more chocolately-tasting on account of a recent stop on Persephone.

Easy banter encompassed them all, but it was Kaylee's next question and River's subsequent answer that brought the conversation to a halt. "So, sweetie," Kaylee asked innocently, licking her fingers of the excess frosting and moving back to Simon's side. "What'd ya wish for?"

Raising her gaze from her plate, River froze, a forkful of cake in her mouth as her eyes darted around the table. Slowly pulling the now clean utensil from her lips she chewed slowly and carefully, her lips spreading into a small, sly grin that immediately made Simon uncomfortable. Whatever it was, he just knew it was somehow going to embarrass him.

Scrambling for a reason for River to remain silent, Simon said quickly, "Well, she can't tell now, can she? Or it won't come true."

Rolling her eyes, Kaylee glanced to him and said, "That ain't so an' you know it." With gleaming eyes she looked back to the birthday girl and encouraged, "River tell us."

Her sly grin deepening and causing Simon's stomach to do an uncomfortable flip, River's eyes roamed the table. Sitting back in her seat, she met Kaylee's excited gaze. "Well, it's kind of private."

Leaning forward, the young mechanic acted as if they were the only two at the table. "Yeah. And?"

Looking to her brother with a giggle perched on her lips she said, "I think it might make Simon uncomfortable."

Rising abruptly, Simon said, "All right, who wants more cake?"

Tugging on his hand, Kaylee pulled him back into his chair with a big smile and a kiss. "You won't mind now, will ya honey?" Completely incapable of saying no to Kaylee, especially when she was sitting so close, Simon simply swallowed thickly and waited, dread coiling in his gut as he shook his head no.

With a satisfied smirk, Kaylee looked back to River and said, "See? So now you gotta say."

Nodding once, River found the rest of the crew looking to her with eagerness. Even Jayne had stopped eating his slice of cake to hear what she had to say. Sitting up tall, she looked back to her brother and said firmly, "I wished to have sex."

Choking on the bite of cake he had foolishly taken before she spoke, Simon's wide eyes and instant protest were met by a similar one from Mal. Taking a quick gulp of water, he said firmly, "Mei mei, that is … I mean …" Stammering, he had no idea what to even say to that.

As he looked for ways to deny his sister something he had no right to try and control, River's brown eyes simply grew a bit harder, her arms crossed firmly over her chest, her chin raised a bit in defiance. Finally at a loss, and trying to ignore the snickers coming from Kaylee and Jayne, Simon blurted, "You're too young."

"Older than you," River retorted. "You were only sixteen when-"

"Okay, that's enough," Simon shouted, hoping to drown her out and simultaneously deter Kaylee from asking the question that was she was obviously dying to voice at his sister's revelation.

Rising quickly from his chair, it fell to the deck with a loud clang as silence descended on the room. Simon and River held each other's stares, locked in a battle of wills that neither sibling had any intention of backing down from. Mal simply glanced to Inara, the Companion doing her best to hide a demure smile behind one delicate hand, while Mal tried to think of anything else other than River, or Simon for that matter, having sex. Zoe could only grin, leaning back in her seat and taking in the family squabble, while Jayne fixed both of the core-bred dandies with a leering look. He certainly wouldn't mind making River's wish come true – the girl was probably as much of a hellion in bed as she was in a fight. And it'd been a ruttin' long time since he'd been with a woman.

Picking up on this lewd thought, River's gaze immediately shot to Jayne, a coy smile turning up her lips. "Oh, I am," she told him, her voice dropping an octave and causing the mercenary's eyes to widen as his pants grew a bit uncomfortable.

Rising as abruptly as Simon, causing his own chair to hit the deck, Jayne cleared his throat loudly and then growled, "I'll be in my bunk," before turning and heading out the room.

River's sweet voice stopped him. "What's so important you have to leave my party?"

Turning back to her with a burning look, Jayne bit out, "Nothin', lil' one."

Pouting and causing Jayne to feel an uncontrollable need to bolt from the room, River said, "Well, why don't you stay then?"

As all eyes in the room turned to Jayne, filled with a mixture of curiosity and amusement, Jayne scowled even more fiercely and told her, "Mind your own business, girl."

"Could be my business," she answered, another smile on her face as she watched Jayne grow more and more aroused. "I'm sure I could help."

As Mal and Simon shared an uncomfortable look, both of them understanding exactly what wasn't being said between the other two crewmen, Jayne continued to stare at River. Glancing to the uneducated brute, Simon saw a flash of something untoward in his gaze and took a step forward. "Don't even think about it," he growled, getting the merc to shoot him an annoyed look.

With a frustrated groan, Jayne turned and practically ran from the room and to his bunk without another word, leaving a very confused group in his wake. All except for River, who simply turned back to her cake and took another bite.

Simon, his eyes darting after the mercenary and then back to his sister, dropped his chin to his chest with a heavy sigh and sat back down. "Not him, mei mei," he begged. "Promise me, not him."

"Yeah, I'll second that lil' one," Mal chimed in, getting an odd look from Inara. "You don't want none o' that."

Shrugging, River flashed Kaylee a grin that the young girl eagerly returned as she continued nonchalantly, "I don't know, he is pleasing to the eye. Strong, well-muscled, tall …" River let her voice take on a wistful tone, noting the way Simon and Mal's faces were paling while Zoe, Inara and Kaylee continued to struggle to contain their laughter. Looking back to her brother, she told him matter-of-factly, "He is larger than me, if hand and shoe size are an indicator, but my body will adjust."

His eyes widening to a point that should have caused them to bug out of his head, Simon sputtered incoherently for a moment, shooting Mal a look of sheer terror, praying that the captain would support him in putting an end to this madness. "River, this is a completely – inappropriate – discussion to be having at the dinner table," he scolded her, trying to hide his absolute disgust at the thought of his sister copulating with the ape-man. "Jayne is wrong for you for a whole bunch of reasons that have nothing to do with – size," he ground out, casting an annoyed look in her direction.

"I don't know, sweetie," Kaylee added, doing her best to help and realizing too late it was impossible. "Maybe it wouldn't be so bad." Glancing to River, she leaned forward and told her with a wink, "An' shoe size ain't got nothin' to do with it."

As Simon's face paled even further, Inara interjected. "River, you really should learn from someone more understanding than Jayne. Your first time should be special."

Mal's eyes widened in disbelief as he cast his gaze towards Inara. "What exactly's that supposed to mean?"

Giving Mal her own puzzled look, she shrugged and said, "I'm just saying that it's very common practice for Companions to be used in instances of losing one's virginity. Perhaps it is something River would be interested in."

"Are you offerin'?" Mal snorted, getting a cold glare from Inara the minute the words were out.

Staring him down for a minute, she leaned towards him, the rest of the eyes at the table fixed on them and said, "If I was, there wouldn't be anything you could say about it, now would there?"

Reeling as if he'd been slapped, Mal's mouth opened and closed soundlessly for several moments before he finally rose quickly. Scowling to his new pilot, he wagged a finger at her and warned, "No sleepin' with Jayne, lil' one or I might have to space ya both." Turning on his heel he stormed from the room.

"For once, I agree with Mal," Simon added, getting another roll of the eyes from River and Kaylee. "Not Jayne, mei mei. Anyone but Jayne."

Rising, River told him, "I'm an adult now, Simon. Can't tell me what to do, what to eat, how to dress, who to have sex with." He actually winced at this last statement. "Eighteen today and that means I get to choose." And with her head held high River left the rest of the startled crew in her wake.

Simon watched her go, trying to determine if he should follow her – of course, what exactly was he going to say? Sitting heavily in his chair, his eyes studied the table before him as he realized that things between he and his sister were about to get a whole lot more complicated.

Feeling Kaylee's hand wrap around his, he looked to her with a tight smile, his mouth going dry as he recognized a familiar gleam in her eyes. "So," she said quietly, leaning towards him, her breath warm against his cheek. "Sixteen, huh?"

With a frustrated groan Simon stormed from the room, leaving the three women to stare after him, all of them only beginning to laugh riotously once they were sure he was out of earshot. Clutching their stomachs and wiping happy tears from their eyes, Kaylee, Inara and Zoe were still hiccupping as Kaylee called, "You can come back now, sweetie."

River, an equally wide grin on her features, skipped back into sight and flounced down at her place at the table. Noting the happy expressions on everyone's faces, she reached for another slice of cake, humming to herself.

"Oh, River, that was priceless," Inara breathed, struggling to catch her breath. Her stomach ached, she was laughing so hard. "Truly."

"I knew Simon'd be all uptight, but that," Kaylee said, pointing in the direction her boyfriend had gone, "Was beyond anythin' I could o' imagined."

"Yeah, an' the Jayne bit, that was a great bit o' improv, lil' one," Zoe added, wiping at her own eyes as a few more happy tears formed.

Freezing mid-bite, River passed her eyes over all of them and said, "Who says I was improvising?"

This sobered the other three women instantly as River smiled to them all, clearly amused with herself. "He is fairly pleasing to the eye," she told them again. "A bit smelly maybe, but that can be easily remedied."

Shooting a quick glance to Inara, Kaylee leaned towards the birthday girl and said, "River, sweetie, I ain't sure that's such a good idea."

"He is willing," River told her, her expression again growing serious. "I can tell."

"Yeah, well that ain't much of a surprise," Zoe cut in. "As long as you gotta pulse, Jayne's willin'."

Noting the young woman's expression growing more distressed, Inara reached for her hand and said, "River, we're not trying to tell you what to do, we just want you to fully understand what you'd be committing to."

"I understand," River told her, rising with her cake plate in hand. Holding each of their gazes for a second more, she murmured, "Just as bad as Simon," before exiting the room.

As the three women watched her go they all felt a bit of guilt, knowing it had been their insistence that had caused the entire scene. And while it had started out as a hilarious gag each of them now wondered just what exactly they had started.


	2. Chapter 2: The Profit in Wishing

Make a Wish: Chapter 2

The Profit in Wishing

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Simon had of course retreated to the infirmary, unable to think of anything that might calm him except some alone time with the cold instruments and sterile surroundings. His mind still whirled with his sister's revelations at dinner, with the innuendo between her and the mercenary, with the gleam of delight he had noticed in Kaylee's eyes at his discomfort.

He knew he was uptight about sex, it wasn't a secret and he wasn't so unaware that he hadn't figured that out about himself. But in this particular instance, he felt his prudish behavior was warranted. This wasn't about his own sexual experience or his relationship with Kaylee, it was about his sister – his baby sister – and her first time. And Simon was fairly certain he would slit his own wrists if she decided to lose her virginity to Jayne.

With a heavy sigh, he shook his head, trying to focus on the chart before him, the same one he had been staring at for a good hour, when he heard a small voice from the doorway. "Hey you."

Turning, Simon frowned as he met Kaylee's apologetic gaze and then looked back to his work. "Hey."

Sighing, Kaylee entered the room, studying him for a moment. He was still upset, which she had kind of figured, but the tension in his shoulders looked like it could snap him in half. Approaching him from behind, Kaylee placed her light hands over his tight muscles and began kneading the flesh there.

Releasing another sigh, Simon's chin dropped all the way to his chest. "Kaylee," he breathed, knowing that he should probably tell her to stop, but unable to deny how good her touch felt.

"Yeah, sweetie?" she asked, pressing her lips to his cheek and getting a small shiver from him.

Swallowing his request for her to stop, Simon indulged in the feeling of her deft hands working over his muscles for a few more minutes before he placed one of his hands over hers. Pausing her motion, Kaylee smiled at him as he drew her around to stand before him and hugged her tightly.

Burying his head in her hair, he murmured sullenly, "I hate this."

Smiling slightly, Kaylee told him, "She is an adult, sweetie. It was bound to come up sometime."

"She's not an adult, she's a kid," he whined, pulling back and holding Kaylee's concerned gaze. "She shouldn't be-"

"Somethin' tells me you shouldn't be sayin' nothin'," Kaylee chided, pressing a finger to his lips. "'Specially not considerin' you lost your virginity when you was two years younger than she is now."

Frowning again, Simon backed away from her and leaned against the exam table, his arms over his chest. "I could have lived without you knowing that little fact," he murmured.

Smiling brightly to him, Kaylee stood before him, her hands resting on his arms and said, "It don't matter to me." Leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his cheek, she confided, "All that matters to me is you're in my bed now."

Simon smiled wryly at her and said, "Yeah, well, it's still embarrassing."

Frowning at him, Kaylee backed away and hopped up onto the counter across from him. "Well ask me then?"

Puzzled, Simon looked to her and questioned cautiously, "Ask you what?"

Rolling her eyes, Kaylee told him, "'Bout my first time. Then we'll be even."

With a sigh, Simon shook his head no and moved back towards the chart he'd been working on. He refused to be baited. "I don't think so."

"Simon," Kaylee pleaded, annoyed at his stubbornness. "Come on, you know you're dyin' to know."

His mouth falling open, he turned to regard her bright, sparkling smile and stammered, "I am not."

Grinning even wider, she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and told him, "Yeah ya are."

Staring at her for a minute more, Simon hated the fact that she was right; damn it if he wasn't curious, almost anxious to know just how Kaylee had gained all of her experience which he was more than benefiting from now.

Leaning back against the counter, his sense of propriety warred with his inquisitive nature, the latter finally winning. "All right. How old were you?"

Clapping her hands together and squealing quietly at the chance to share, Kaylee settled in to tell her story. It was a fond memory; one she hadn't thought on for a while now, but still a nice one all the same. "I was fourteen."

Simon willed his eyes not to widen, but he couldn't help it; it had taken him by surprise. "What?" she asked, noting his look. "It ain't like I wasn't in love with the boy."

"Nothing," Simon murmured. Clearing his throat he said, "Please, go on."

With a sigh, Kaylee's tone grew wistful. "He was real nice, a year or so older than me. His name was Tom. We was sweeties all summer long."

"What happened to him?" Simon asked quietly, wondering what possessed him to ask more questions.

Shrugging lightly, Kaylee said, "He broke my heart. We slept together right at the end o' the summer, 'fore school started, an' he found a new girl, an older one." Kaylee swallowed past the memory of the heartache; the sex was the fond part of her remembrance, Tom's actions after the fact were not.

"I'm sorry," Simon said quietly, noting another expression on her features, this one laced with just a bit of pain.

Shaking her head to clear it, Kaylee slid off the counter and sauntered towards him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she brought her mouth to within an inch of his and said quietly, "T'weren't nothin'. 'Sides it was quite a while ago." Brushing a light kiss across his lips, she murmured, "Your turn."

Swallowing thickly as Kaylee kissed him again, Simon asked cautiously, "What do you mean? You already know I was sixteen."

"Well yeah." Kaylee's breath was hot against his skin, causing a delightful shiver to race down his spine as her moist lips brushed along his cheek and over to his ear. "But I don't know who it was with."

Feeling his body responding to her arousing touch, Simon wrapped his arms firmly around her and pressed her against him. Kaylee gasped slightly as she felt his growing arousal brush against her thigh, her eyes widening with desire as Simon's hands trailed up her arms and to her face, cradling her cheeks before he kissed her fiercely, his tongue driving into her mouth.

Wrapping her arms around him tighter, Kaylee leaned against him, the slight rub of her groin against his causing him to moan into her mouth. As they parted for air and Simon began to kiss along her jaw and down her neck, he murmured, "You don't really care, do you?"

Kaylee's head fell back as Simon's lips and tongue found the exact right spot and began to lavish attention there. Wondering what exactly the question had been, Kaylee managed to murmur, "Nope."

Smiling against her skin, Simon bit down ever-so-lightly on her soft flesh, causing a small whimper of delight to escape her lips, before he backed away with difficulty. Pouting as she refocused her gaze on him, Kaylee's eyes again lit with delight as Simon took her hand and led her from the room to the relative privacy of his bunk.

---- ----

Eighteen years.

Six thousand, five hundred and seventy days.

One hundred fifty seven thousand, six hundred and eighty hours.

Eighteen years.

They were just numbers, random integers that added up to mean something in the grand scheme of the 'verse, but when broken down into their base elements meant almost nothing.

Not to River anyway.

She'd been on the bridge for a few hours now, curled into the pilot's chair that had become a second home for her in the months since Miranda. She liked the bridge and the chair, it was comfortable and familiar and warm. Sometimes she could feel Wash there, his spirit, hear his laughter and it warmed her heart.

He wasn't here now and she was kind of disappointed. She had hoped he might visit for her birthday.

With a sigh, she rested her chin on her knees as she pulled them into her chest and stared out the window, feeling her brother's concerned presence approaching … his concerned and well-satisfied presence. With a small shake of her head, River smirked a bit, realizing that soon Simon and Kaylee's lovemaking would bring them an unexpected surprise. She had thought about telling him, but then decided, especially after his attitude towards her today to keep that secret to herself.

"Mei mei?"

"Still a virgin, Simon," she murmured, not bothering to turn and face him. "You can go back to Kaylee now."

With a sigh, Simon entered the bridge and sat in the empty co-pilot's seat, studying his sister's profile. She wouldn't look at him which didn't really surprise him and he could tell, based on the dejected look in her eyes, that she was still upset. "I deserved that," he admitted quietly.

"Yes, you did," she said firmly, swiveling in her chair to look at him. Narrowing her eyes at him, she added, "Deserve worse maybe too."

Simon met her fiery look for a moment and then began softly, "River, I'm sorry for the way I reacted this afternoon." As she rolled her eyes at him, Simon affirmed, "I am. I should have handled it better. I just …"

Losing his nerve, Simon again dropped his eyes to the decking. How could he possibly explain to his brilliant sister that he, her brilliant brother, refused to accept the reality that she was an adult and capable of making her own decisions? Simon knew he was being completely irrational and he had no idea how to justify it.

"Concerned about me, Simon," River said quietly, interrupting his thoughts. As he returned his eyes to her face, she smiled sadly and said, "Want to protect me, but you can't. Want to be sure I don't get broken again."

"Yes," Simon breathed. Moving from the chair, he knelt before her and reached for her hands. Squeezing them tightly, he said, "Mei mei, I don't want you to be hurt, not again. I don't want you to suffer through the pain or rejection that can come from loving from someone, from sharing something so intimate and so special with them."

"But that's part of living, Simon," River reminded him, her gaze softening as she recognized the protectiveness in his eyes. "I was dead for so long, lost to the 'verse, lost to you, but I'm alive now. And I want to feel, all of it, pain, happiness, joy, love." Reaching out a cool hand to his face, she added, "Like you. Like what you have with Kaylee." As he searched for a counter-argument, River asked, "Don't you want that for me?"

"Of course I do," Simon answered quickly. "But more importantly I want you to-"

"Stay your baby sister," she finished for him. Shaking her head sadly, she told him, "Simon, I'll always be your baby sister. I'll always be your mei mei, but you have your own life now and I deserve that too."

Holding her gaze for a second more, Simon tugged gently on her hands and pulled her to him, wrapping her tightly in his embrace. "I'm not trying to deny you that, mei mei. It just terrifies me to think of you getting hurt."

With another small sigh, River told him, "I thought you understood now." As he pulled back from her, his brow furrowing slightly, River continued. "Not all love equals pain. I thought Kaylee had taught you that."

His cheeks flushing at her words, he realized she was right. Kaylee had taught him that, over and over again. She had made Simon realize that love could mean undeniable joy; that falling for someone so completely and losing oneself in them could be more freeing than anything else. It was a lesson that had railed against everything Simon had experienced before meeting the bright mechanic, but it was one that he learned gladly.

"You're right, River," Simon said firmly, cupping her cheek in his hand. "Kaylee did teach me that." Frowning at her, he said, "Jayne, on the other hand, is another matter entirely."

Giggling softly, River told him, "I know he annoys you, Simon. But we're on a ship in the middle of space. It's not like I have a lot of choice."

His frown deepening, Simon straightened up and leaned against the console facing her. "And the fact that he's your only option shouldn't be the reason you're so eager to sleep with him." Dropping his voice, he told her, "You should wait, River, for when it's right."

"Because you didn't," River said softly, regretting the words the minute they were out. It was a painful memory for Simon, and the primary one Kaylee's presence and love had managed to banish from his mind. Looking up at him with baleful eyes she murmured, "Sorry."

Smiling sadly to her, Simon shook his head slightly to dislodge the memory and said, "I was young and undeniably naïve, River. I didn't wait and it wasn't right and it was a choice I regretted for a long while."

"And now?" River asked, guessing she knew the answer, but even some of Simon's emotions were inaccessible to her.

"It's part of my past and something I have had to make peace with," he told her. "Besides, I have Kaylee now and as you so delicately pointed out she's shown me a whole other side to being in love."

"The right side," River affirmed, reaching forward and squeezing his hand.

Smiling to her, Simon leaned forward and pressed a kiss into her hair. "Exactly." Pulling back from her, he said quietly, "I am sorry that our lives right now don't lend to you having a normal social life. I remember you at those parties, before the Academy." An even wider grin spread across Simon's face even as River grimaced at the thought. "You were the belle of the ball."

"Those boys were stiff and egomaniacal," River told him, her nose wrinkling with disgust. "That was one thing I didn't miss when I went away."

Chuckling lightly, Simon kissed her again, this time on the cheek and told her, "I love you, mei mei."

"Love you," she told him. He held her gaze for a minute more and River felt his love for her ebb as his thoughts were again consumed with Kaylee. Rolling her eyes slightly in mock annoyance, River waved him towards the door. "Go, be with Kaylee."

Frowning at her, Simon said, "I was going to stay. So we could talk more."

Giving him one of her "who-do-you-think-you're-kidding" looks, River told him, "Not quite." As Simon's face flushed, he cleared his throat and then sheepishly stepped past her, heading for the exit. Just as his foot hit the first step, he paused and called, "Happy Birthday, River."

Grinning to him, River turned to watch him go, wondering if maybe she shouldn't mention something about being careful. Shrugging lightly, River looked back to the stars figuring that everything did happen for a reason – even surprises.

---- ----

Mal found Jayne working out, pressing a ton of weight and sweating profusely. Circling the larger man's workbench, Mal regarded him in silence, listening to his heavy exhalations as he completed his latest round of reps. It had been four days since River's birthday and to Mal's knowledge River had not shown one bit of interest in the mercenary since. But still …

"Can I help you, Mal?" Jayne asked, sitting up and wiping the sweat from his face and arms with a dirty towel.

Frowning at him and affixing his best captain-y scowl to his features, he stepped forward and said, "No, actually, I think I can help you."

Skeptical, Jayne eyed him as he rose and began stretching his arms. "Oh yeah," he grunted. "How's that?"

"I'm gonna give ya a piece o' advice," Mal told him evenly, stepping even closer. As the merc noticed the no-nonsense scowl on the man's features and remembered that the last time he'd seen it the other man had almost spaced him, Jayne swallowed thickly and perked up his ears.

Noting that he had his full attention, Mal said, "You are not, ever, under any circumstance to sleep with River. You got me?"

"Aww hell, Mal," Jayne whined, backing away and changing out his weights. "I ain't got no interest in that bony, crazy thing."

"Jayne." At the warning tone, he turned back again to face his captain and again felt just a bit uncomfortable. "I mean it. I don't care if she crawls into your bed, naked and beggin', you are not to touch her, kiss her, sleep with her, none of it."

Approaching the man, Mal allowed his chin to jut out just a bit, his expression deadly serious as he said, "And if you do, if you have a moment of weakness an' decide you need to satisfy some manly urge, you will end up in the Preacher's very special hell. And I will be the one to kick start your journey."

In spite of all his bluster, Jayne found himself completely speechless as Mal stared him down and then finally asked, "Dong ma?"

Nodding dumbly, Jayne watched the other man walk away, standing frozen at his weight bench for a long minute. That gorram crazy girl was going to be the death of him yet, he just knew it.

"Don't want to kill you, Jayne."

He tensed as her quiet voice floated down to him from the catwalk above. Despite his better judgment, he glanced up, seeing her lithe form and long hair silhouetted by one of the bright lights above, giving her an angelic glow. Swallowing thickly again, but for a whole other reason, Jayne did not say a word as River slowly descended the stairs and came to stand in front of him, her pert breasts brushing lightly against his chest.

"It wouldn't be any fun if I killed you," she told him coyly and then, placing one finger on his chest, ran it down to the waistband of his pants before she trailed away, swinging her hips suggestively as she went.

Gulping for air, Jayne waited until she was out of sight and then ran up the nearest set and stairs and headed for his bunk. River stood in the shadows of the common room, a hand clamped over her mouth to stifle her giggles. No, she wasn't going to sleep with Jayne, but teasing him would be almost as satisfying.


	3. Chapter 3: The Reality of Wishing

Make a Wish: Chapter 3

The Reality of Wishing

---- ----

On light feet, Kaylee tiptoed up to Simon's turned back, clasping her hands over his eyes and drawing him back against her. "Guess who?" she whispered hotly into his ear as she pressed her body even more firmly against his.

"Hmm, I wonder …" Simon teased, trying to ignore the immediate response of his body to Kaylee's touch. Playfully, he said, "Zoe."

With a sound of mock indignation, Kaylee released him, taking a step back and crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm offended," she pouted, giving him a sultry look the minute he turned to face her.

Moving forward swiftly, Simon's arms encircled her waist as he buried his head into her neck, nipping softly at the skin there. "Oh no, I've offended you," he murmured against her, his tone full of sarcasm. "However will I make it right?"

Tugging lightly on his hair so his face was level with hers, Kaylee whispered, "I can think of a couple o' ways," before pressing her lips to his and instantly reaching for the buttons on his shirt, undoing the first few as their tongues met and tangled.

Moaning against her, Simon backed her up into the nearest wall, pressing into her hard and smiling slyly as the motion caused Kaylee to whimper. They had just left their bed no more than an hour ago, after another amazing night of love making and petting, but it didn't seem to matter. Simon had never before experienced the whole "can't keep their hands off each other" phenomenon, but now that he was, he was greatly enjoying it.

Running his lips and tongue along her skin, he pulled one of his hands from behind her back, cupping her perfect breast in his hand through the light fabric of her shirt. With the pad of one thumb he brushed against her nipple not surprised when it hardened almost immediately from the attention. Kaylee tilted her head back, letting out a breathless moan as his mouth again closed over where her neck met her shoulder and sucked gently, but insistently. "Simon," she managed to breathe out, her fingers still running through his hair, and down his chest. "We should get outta here."

She had a point. They were in the infirmary and the entire crew was on board, the job they had planned not scheduled to begin for at least another hour. Simon and Kaylee had already made a pact to enjoy their alone time on the ship when the others left, but, per usual, they couldn't wait.

With difficulty, Simon pulled away from her, keeping one arm around her and lifting her up. Kaylee's legs immediately encircled his waist and he suppressed a loud moan at the feel of her thighs pressing against his already throbbing arousal. Even as he guided them from the room, Kaylee lowered her mouth back to his and kissed him, the fact that the two of them had done this before the only thing that kept them from falling and killing themselves on their short trip back to his bunk.

Barely through the door, Kaylee was back on her feet, her fingers working deftly at the rest of his shirt buttons as he slid the door shut and clicked the latch in place. Ever since River's little announcement at her birthday party over a week and a half ago, Simon was much more conscience of his and Kaylee's privacy.

With a firm grasp, Kaylee turned him back to fully face her, backing him against the closed screen, her head dipping to press open mouthed kisses to his now exposed torso. As his head rocked back and a small sigh escaped his lips, Simon tangled his hands into her unbelievably soft hair and pulled her against him, crushing his mouth over hers and refusing to let go.

Awkwardly, they made it to the bed and Simon gently laid Kaylee down, taking a moment to enjoy the look of desire and want in her deep, green eyes before again kissing her passionately and falling into the mattress with her.

Just as the crew was readying to go they heard first Kaylee's excited cry and then Simon's echo from the passenger dorms and into the cargo bay. With a grimace, River shot a nasty look to the open hatchway and muttered, "Sure, Simon, rub it in."

---- ----

With only nicks and scrapes, the crew returned by sunset, Jayne and Mal sporting the worst of the injuries, per the norm. The sound of the mercenary's booming whine and the captain's annoyed voice roused Simon and Kaylee from their afterglow slumber. Rushing out of bed, Simon threw on his clothes, running a hand through his hair and brushing a quick kiss to Kaylee's mouth before heading for the infirmary to treat whatever new battle wounds the others had returned with.

Sighing contentedly, Kaylee sank back into the mattress, stretching her arms up over her head, unable to keep the smile from her face. She and Simon had just spent an incredible five hours in bed together and while Kaylee felt the telltale ache, she would not trade anything for the deliciously warm feeling that accompanied it.

Simon loved her, he had finally said it. With a frown Kaylee realized 'finally' was probably too strong a word. It had only been two months since Miranda, and loving someone was a big step. Of course, Kaylee loved everyone, she simply loved Simon more, so she had told him within a few days of them being together. She had known it would make him a bit uncomfortable and she'd been right, but she'd also known that when he finally told her he felt the same it would feel amazing – and she'd been right again.

It wasn't a throwaway declaration either; he hadn't said it in the throes of passion, he'd said it after the fact. As he'd held her, like he always did, his hand running lightly down her back or through her hair, his cheek resting against the top of her head. And he'd just said it, hadn't made a big production out of it, hadn't stammered or tried to say something and messed it up as he was apt to do, he'd just let the words come and they washed over Kaylee like a warm rain.

With another contented sigh, she considered getting up to check on everyone, but guessed that if anything were truly wrong she would have heard a lot more bellyaching. Instead, she pulled the covers back over herself, turning her head into Simon's pillow so she could inhale his scent and was soon fast asleep, one of her famous smiles plastered to her face.

---- ----

It was fairly late, just before everyone would be turning in when River made it to Inara's shuttle. She stood outside the closed hatch, hand raised to knock, motionless. She had tried for the past two weeks to work up the courage to see the Companion, but every time River had found the pounding of her heart against her rib cage had been too loud or her mouth would grow dry or her brain would start to go fuzzy and she would slink away, back to her bunk or the bridge.

But not tonight; she was going to do it. She was going to march into Inara's shuttle, sit with the woman and get answers to her questions. It was time.

Using this burst of resolve before it faded, River rapped her knuckles against the metal and then held her breath, praying Inara answered the door before she had time to retreat again. With a bit of relief and increased anxiety, River watched as the hatch slid away to reveal Inara, impeccably dressed and expertly coifed even given the late hour.

With a bit of a start, the older woman regarded her. "River, what a pleasant surprise. Did you need something?"

Unable to find her voice, River only nodded once, getting an even more confused expression from Inara. Reaching for her hand, the companion pulled the younger woman through the door, shutting it behind her. Once they were safely ensconced inside, Inara turned back to face her and asked softly, "Are you okay, sweetie?"

Nodding again, River searched the other woman's warm gaze for a moment, again steeling herself for the coming discussion. She had guessed that out of all the people on board, Inara would be the most open, the most understanding and the most knowledgeable; and she knew she was right.

"Inara, I need your help," River finally murmured, clearing her throat in an effort to strengthen her voice.

Noting her distress, Inara wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders and guided the girl to her couch, sitting her down. "Of course, River, anything."

Sitting in silence for a moment, River finally turned to face her, taking both of Inara's hands in hers and said bluntly, "I need to learn about sex."

Her eye widening with an initial burst of shock and then returning to normal, Inara asked carefully, "And you want me to teach you?"

"Who else?" she asked, frowning at her. "I tried to ask Simon, but he just gets all red and antsy and starts talking about birds and bees." With a grim expression, she confided, "I need an expert."

Suppressing the small chuckle that had risen to her lips in light of River's obvious seriousness, Inara sat back against the couch and told her, "Well then, I will be more than happy to assist in any way."

Releasing a big sigh of relief, River sat back as well, her mind reeling with all the questions she needed answers to. She had broken them down into categories: mechanics, emotions and dating. Sifting through them all was a daunting task, but with a clear objective and end result in mind, losing her virginity, River found she had a strong understanding of how to proceed.

"Well, I understand how the biology works," she said, her big brown eyes again focused on Inara. "I know what goes where, but …" Frowning, she found her thoughts growing unfocused again. Frustrated that she couldn't understand this, a few tears pooled in her eyes and she blinked quickly, trying to push them away.

Reading her discomfort, Inara sat forward and placed a hand over River's. "Mei mei, it's all right. This is a big thing you're asking me about." As the girl continued to struggle, Inara glanced around, her gaze landing on a small book shelf across the way. Rising she reached for a particular aged and dog-eared tome and brought it to River, placing it in her lap.

As the younger woman looked to her quizzically, Inara explained. "How about we start by flipping through this book and you can stop me when you have a question?"

River nodded hesitantly, opening the volume and scanning the pages in silence as Inara leaned over her shoulder. After twenty minutes of silence, River found a section related to one of her main concerns and pointed. "That. I need to know more about that."

Studying the passage, Inara nodded and smiled. "Yes, it will hurt the first time, probably the first couple of times." As River's face blanched at this new information, Inara assured, "But it won't hurt all the time, and it's more uncomfortable than painful." Squeezing River's hands in her own, Inara told her, "It's a completely new experience for your body and it takes some adjusting, that's all."

"What about men, like Jayne?" Inara's shocked expression forced River to clarify. "No, not Jayne in particular, I mean men who are … bigger," she finished. "Does it always fit?"

Smiling again, Inara answered, "Yes, although if your partner is very well-endowed the pain might linger a bit longer or you might feel it more acutely the following day. But yes, men and women are meant to fit."

Nodding once, River took that answer in stride, having already accounted for the pain part. That was biology and River understood biology. She needed more than that; she needed a better understanding of the pleasure principle, of how to make the other person enjoy the act of sex with her.

And how to entice them to want to sleep with her – River was not well-versed in the art of seduction or flirting. Her formative teenage years had been spent in a government institution where the idea of fun was a Friday night bloodbath. So, besides needing help with the actual copulation, she needed lessons in how to find a partner.

Continuing to scan the book, River quickly skipped the sections covering male and female reproductive systems, although the bratty side of her wondered if maybe she shouldn't prop the book open to this part in particular and leave it on her brother's bed. But then as she read about contraception, she decided that was really what Simon needed a reminder about.

Noticing as her eyes lingered on a particular spot, Inara asked, "Do you have questions about birth control?"

Shaking her head, River said easily, "No. I was just thinking that-" Stopping abruptly, she turned a sheepish grin to the woman and simply said, "No."

Frowning at her, Inara wondered if maybe she should push the issue, but decided against it. "All right. But it's very important to be sure you're safe."

"Tell me about it," River muttered, drawing another look of confusion from Inara. Before the Companion could question her again, River was reminded of another question. "Orgasms," she blurted, looking to her mentor with wide eyes. "Tell me about those."

"Well," the other woman said slowly, swallowing thickly; this was turning out to be a lot more difficult than she'd initially anticipated. "What do you want to know?"

"How do you have one and how do you cause one?" River asked, forgetting the book for a moment as she turned and focused all her attention to Inara.

"That's a very complicated question, River," Inara began. Pausing to collect her thoughts, she finally said, "People, especially women, don't always orgasm during sex. Men typically do, but it's never a guarantee for either party."

"It is with my brother and Kaylee," River retorted, rolling her eyes. "I know you've heard them."

Hiding another smile, the woman nodded. "Yes, I have heard the both of them on occasion in what seem to be moments of unbridled passion." With a fleeting thought to some of her own less than satisfying encounters, she muttered, "They are very lucky."

"They are very horny," River corrected, getting a chuckle to escape Inara's lips. "So, how come it works for them, but not everyone?"

"It's about more than the physicality," Inara tried to explain. "It's about emotions, being connected to the other person on a level that goes deeper than joining two bodies."

As River's look of puzzlement only increased, Inara tried a different tactic. "It's about paying attention, observing the person your with, watching what pleases them." Placing a hand to her face, Inara waited until River's deep brown eyes were locked onto hers and told her, "You want a man who will be concerned about your needs, as much as you are concerned about his. If he is, if you both want the act to be pleasurable for each other, you'll have nothing to worry about."

Frowning, River supposed that was the best she would get. Inara hadn't really answered her question, had artfully sidestepped it in fact, but there were some things, River knew she would just have to experience for herself.

"If I can even find a man," she murmured bitterly, allowing her gaze to fall into her lap. Picking at the hem of her dress, she added, "It was never about me wanting to sleep with Jayne. It was about knowing that he was at least willing."

"That's true, mei mei," Inara told her, brushing some of the hair back from her face and tucking it behind her ear. "But Jayne 'wants' to for reasons that have nothing to do with you." As River refused to meet her gaze, Inara continued. "Jayne doesn't appreciate you or the unique gifts that you offer, and trust me, River, in the end, that's not what you want."

Swallowing thickly, River knew Inara was right. Even more than just the inherent logic in her reasoning, she also knew, from her brother's experience that waiting for that right person was incredibly important. But that didn't change the fact that their lives, as Simon had pointed out, did not allow her the opportunity to meet many young men her age, to develop relationships with them, to experience things that she should be experiencing.

A sudden thought striking her, River looked excitedly to her friend and said, "Take me on a job."

"What?" Inara asked, her eyes blinking rapidly as she tried to comprehend River's statement.

Searching for the right word, River said, "A client. Pick out a client for me, someone nice and around my age and then take me there."

"River," Inara intoned, trying to reassure the woman. "Setting you up with someone is not going to be necessary. You will meet the right man someday."

"Not on this tin can with Simon and Captain Daddy scowling over my shoulder." River fell back against the couch with an exasperated sigh. "It's no use, Inara," she said, tilting her head back and staring at the ceiling. "I'm destined to die a virgin."

Allowing the laugh she felt to rise forth, Inara patted the young woman's knee gently and told her, "No, you're not, cut that out."

Inara watched as the younger woman struggled, her desire to experience the act of sex warring with her need to be loved. It was a battle the companion had some experience with, fairly personal experience at that. It was the battle she had been waging since she'd returned to Serenity after Miranda – since she had again been living on the same ship with Malcolm Reynolds.

"I don't have a captain," River bemoaned, turning her baleful eyes to Inara with a purely pathetic look. "Don't have a Kaylee, don't have a Wash." With another heavy sigh River murmured, "Only have urges that I can't get rid of."

Refocusing her thoughts on the younger woman, Inara edged closer to her and said, "Well, River, there are other ways to satisfy those urges." As the girl's big brown eyes swung back to study her, Inara elaborated, "Not necessarily as fun as the usual way, but …" With a small smile on her lips as she watched River's interest pique, she added, "It can definitely help."

A sly grin working across her face, River sat forward and reached for Inara's hand. "Teach me."

---- ----

"… A week after the ball, the prince's steward was ordered to visit all the homes in the kingdom, taking with him the forgotten shoe." Simon's steady, warm voice floated through Kaylee's ears as he read to her. She was unbelievably content, curled up naked into his side after another round of lovemaking. Both of them needing the break, Simon had reached for the battered book, a tome of classic Earth-that-was fairy tales that he had brought on board and picked up where they had last left off. She was warm and happy and full of love for the man who held her now.

"As he was greeted by Lady Tremaine and her two awful daughters Anastasia and Drusilla-"

"Simon." A thought Kaylee had been mulling over for the past few weeks demanded an answer, and so she interrupted him, sitting up slightly so she could look into his incredibly blue eyes.

Facing him, she saw the ghost of a smile on his face as he dropped the book back into his lap and reached out a hand to brush a stray hair behind her ear. "Yes bao bei?"

Her smiling deepening at his endearment, her heart flipped over again as she told him, "There's somethin' I kinda need to know."

A bit of concern furrowing his handsome brow, Simon shifted to face her fully, inviting her to ask, so she did. "How come you don't wanna tell me about her?"

His frown deepening, Simon asked her, "About who?"

"The girl you slept with? Your first time?" she explained, a cold fear gripping her heart at the harsh look and cold gaze that quickly took up residence on Simon's face.

Dropping his head back against his pillow, Simon sighed heavily. "Why is it so important to you?" he asked, his voice soft, but tinged with a bit of pain that Kaylee heard loud and clear.

Shrugging lightly, she reached out a hand and ran it through his hair, getting him to again face her with a sad smile on his lips. "It ain't important to me, not really, but I know somethin' about it bugs ya, an' …" She paused for a moment, uncertain of the best way to approach it. She didn't want to anger him, the last thing Kaylee ever wanted was to be separated from Simon, but she did want him to trust her. "Well, you can tell me anythin', you know that right?"

With a small nod, Simon smiled a bit wider and then gently drew her face towards his, brushing their lips together. Pulling back almost as quickly, Simon met her wide-eyed and trusting gaze. His thumb caressing along her smooth cheek, he marveled at how someone so perfect and loving could ever be attracted to someone as closed off and abrasive as him. It was a wonder.

Holding her gaze for a moment more, Simon finally cleared his throat and said softly, "There really isn't much to tell." As Kaylee settled back into his side, still gazing at him adoringly, he found his courage bolstered and continued. "I was sixteen, as my sister so conveniently explained." Kaylee smiled a bit, sharing the joke and then continued to listen. "It was a girl at school, a girl I had literally grown up with. I was so head over heels for her."

"What was her name?" Kaylee asked gently, getting a slightly surprised look for the question, but also getting him to answer.

"April." Simon sighed heavily, a memory of April flashing to the surface; she had been the perfect example of a core-bred debutante, the exact type of girl Simon was supposed to have married and had children with by now. Thank God he'd escaped that fate.

As the silence dragged between them, Kaylee prompted, "So what happened?"

Shaking his head slightly and coming back to the present, Simon squeezed Kaylee's warm form a bit tighter to his side and said, "She led me on for months, years even. I'd ask her out and she'd say no. She always had one boyfriend or another, the jocks in my school. I was the nerd and not very popular."

"But you're so swai," Kaylee protested, getting an amused grin from him. "In my school, you would've been the bee's knees."

Pressing a kiss into her hair, Simon could only widen his smile and murmur, "I love you."

Kaylee's own grin grew so big it almost blinded him and with a small squeal of delight, she leaned forward, pressing her body against his and kissed him hard. They quickly became a tangle of limbs as the kiss deepened, relighting their previously spent passion. Gasping for air, they parted and Kaylee's big smile turned into a devilish grin. "Am I a better kisser than April?"

Chuckling lightly, Simon stole another quick peck as he answered emphatically, "Most definitely."

Sitting up a bit taller, Kaylee nodded her approval and said, "Good. Please proceed."

"Well, I had worked up the courage to ask April out one more time, for the spring dance and she finally said yes." With a roll of his eyes, Simon confided, "I was so nervous. The entire school, all the coolest kids were going to be there, and I was going to take April. This was a huge deal for me."

"The night of the dance, I picked her up, and she was breathtaking. Dressed to the nines in all the finest silks that her parents' money could buy." Wondering how he had ever been impressed by such material concerns, Simon continued, not noticing the small look of sadness that lit Kaylee's face for a second and then faded just as quickly. "We went to the dance and we had a great time. All night we were on our feet, dancing, laughing. Right before the last dance, I finally worked up the nerve to kiss her and she let me." Simon couldn't keep the slight sound of shock from his tone. "I really didn't think she would. I had tried a few times before and April always managed to turn her cheek away right at the last second."

"She was an idiot," Kaylee breathed, more to herself than to Simon, but he heard her anyway and laughed. Studying him, Kaylee simply affirmed, "Well, she were. Not lettin' you kiss her, that's jus' stupid."

"Well, considering the fact that I am in love with you, I'm glad you think so," Simon told her, pressing a quick kiss to the tip of her nose and getting a giggle from his bao bei in the process.

"So then what happened?" Kaylee asked, settling even closer to him.

"Well, April had been invited to one of her friend's houses for an after party and she invited me to go. There was a lot of drinking which I did partake in as I was just getting more and more nervous. Before I was even really aware of what was happening, her and I ended up in someone's bedroom."

"Was it … nice?" Kaylee asked hesitantly, having begun to agree with Simon's assessment from a few nights ago that this was a story she didn't want to hear.

With a sarcastic smirk on his features, Simon asked her dryly, "The room or the sex?"

Frowning at him, Kaylee nudged him lightly in the side and he explained, "I honestly don't remember much of it. All I remember is that a few hours later, I woke up and April was gone and when I went looking for her, one of her ex-boyfriends, a real idiot, slapped me on the back and said loudly, 'Well, none of us thought April could do it, but apparently even the uptight Simon Tam can't escape her wiles.'" With disgust, Simon shook his head, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

Looking back to Kaylee he said, "Apparently, there had been a few bets going around that April wouldn't be able to bed me. And she decided to take the challenge."

Her eyes again big and wide and this time full of sadness, Kaylee breathed, "Oh sweetie, that's awful an' it ain't right." Her anger rising as she thought of this brazen hussy who had messed with her man, Kaylee huffed, "That jian huo." As Simon felt a smirk spreading on his face, he watched Kaylee get more irate. "I tell ya, if'n I ever saw that April girl, I'd like to-"

Simon swallowed the rest of Kaylee's comment with a deep kiss, his tongue exploring her mouth with a ferocity she wasn't totally prepared for. Moaning slightly against him, thoughts of any other woman quickly flew from her mind as she wrapped her arms around Simon's neck, tangling her fingers in his hair and pulling herself flat against his bare chest.

Any memory of previous hurt was banished from Simon's mind as Kaylee's warm and soft body moved against his, her hardened nipples rubbing against his chest and causing a tendril of lust to snake down his spine. Moving his hands down her back, he rolled her on top of him, and Kaylee moaned again, this time deep and eager as she felt his growing arousal brush against her in this new position.

Breaking their kiss with an effort, Kaylee's lips trailed down Simon's chest, her tongue tracing around each defined muscle before she closed her teeth lightly over one of his nipples and bit down ever so slightly. Simon's mouth fell open at the sensation, a soft sigh escaping his mouth as his hands ran down and cupped her back side, pressing his hard length against her wetness. At the tease, Kaylee found her hips rolling against his, her forehead falling to rest on his chest as she felt her body boil with barely contained desire.

Placing her hands on either side of him, Kaylee sat up a bit and repositioned herself above him, joining them as slowly as possible. Their matching cries of delight drowned each other out as Simon felt her wet heat envelope him, his already throbbing arousal pulsing even harder for a release his body desperately craved.

Kaylee's mouth again dropped to his skin, this time her lips and teeth fastening around the joint where his neck met his shoulder as they began to move. Their thrusts were a bit urgent and hard, Simon's need to remember what true love really was driving him to push further than he had before. Kaylee's mind swam with incoherent thoughts as she felt him pierce her deeper than before. Pulling her lips back from his skin, Kaylee murmured, "Ta ma de, Simon. Don't ever stop doin' that."

His manly ego well and fueled by this admission, Simon's hands kneaded the flesh of her back side, as his lips found one perfect nipple and bit down slightly. With a cry, Kaylee's hands grabbed for Simon's hair seeking purchase as her entire body tensed, so close to the edge of bliss she thought for certain she'd pass out from the anticipation.

Working her lips to his ear, Kaylee's voice was barely more than a pant, but even over his heavy breathing, Simon could hear her pleading, "Harder, Simon."

With a grunt, Simon thrust upward once more, feeling the tension in his gut that signaled his own end growing. Moving fluidly, he held onto Kaylee firmly and rolled them over, this new position giving him the leverage for one final thrust that drove them both to their dizzying release. Panting and breathless, Kaylee moaned with delight as she felt Simon's hot seed rush into her and then found herself floating and weightless as he pressed his lips to hers for an endless kiss.

Lying tangled again in a pile of sweaty limbs and twisted sheets, Simon held her tightly to him, reveling in the feel of Kaylee's warmth and the content that came from being truly loved. His sister had been right – Kaylee had shown him a whole other side of love, one with passion and want and desire, but also caring and concern and emotion.

Feeling her stir against his chest, Simon pressed his lips against her forehead and smiled as she turned a lazy grin to him. "That was ruttin' amazin'," she murmured, brushing a kiss against his cheek.

In no position to disagree, Simon instead pulled her more firmly to his chest and buried his face in her hair.

"Simon?" her sleepy voice reached him and he answered, "Hmmm."

"When I tell ya I love ya, you know I mean it, right?" Big emerald eyes were again studying him and Simon felt his heart stop for an instant.

Running a light hand down her cheek, he told her, "Of course. Why would you think I don't?"

Placing a hand to his cheek, Kaylee told him honestly, "I jus' don't want ya to think I'm like her." As he smiled to her, she shrugged lightly and said, "'Cause I ain't. I love you, truly."

Tilting her chin up, Simon kissed her lightly and said, "And I will do everything in my power to deserve your love, bao bei. Because it is a gift."

Smiling to him again, Kaylee buried herself into his side with a soft sigh and felt the pull of sleep. As Simon watched her breathing even out, he found himself staring, a particular passage from a different fairy tale springing to mind.

"And at last he laid his eyes on the finest sight he'd ever beheld -- a princess, with bright and resplendent beauty that was, in its manner, a bit of the divine."

---- ----

(The Sleeping Beauty in the Wood by, Charles Perrault)

---- ----

River finished her breakfast faster than usual drawing odd looks from both her brother and his girlfriend. The rest of the crew had already eaten early, prepping for a job, and one that River would not be needed on.

Which, it turned out, was perfect. Wiping at her mouth, she dropped her napkin to the table and rose with a bright smile on her face. "I'll see you later," she said happily, practically skipping from the room.

"Mei mei," Simon called after her, his curiosity getting the better of him. "Where are you going?"

"To visit with Inara," River called over her shoulder, quickening her pace to get away before Simon could ask for any other pertinent details. She had a feeling that her brother would rather not know exactly what Inara was teaching her, although River had to admit, the act of self-love was gratifying – when executed properly.

---- ----


	4. Chapter 4: The Consequence of Wishing

Make a Wish: Chapter 4

The Consequence of Wishing

---- ----

Inara found Kaylee in the engine room, and wasn't a bit surprised. The ship was quiet, the rest of the crew, including Simon, out either on the job or gathering supplies. The two women had been left in charge and while Inara had hoped to book some appointments knowing that at least Mal would not be barging into her shuttle, she'd found herself highly distracted.

Rapping lightly on the side of the hatchway into the warm room, Inara got Kaylee's attention from where the girl was curled up in her hammock. "Oh," she said lightly, stretching her arms over her head as she blinked some sleep from her eyes. "Hey 'Nara. What's up?"

"Not you, apparently," her friend teased, grinning at Kaylee as she descended the few stairs into the room. Noting the tired look on the younger woman's face, Inara asked quietly, "Are you feeling all right?"

Nodding once, Kaylee swallowed thickly and fought the truth from bubbling forth. She didn't feel all right, hadn't for some weeks now actually, but she wasn't going to tell Inara that, especially when Kaylee feared what the reason might be. "Sure, 'Nara. I'm shiny."

As if to prove her point, Kaylee worked herself out of the hammock, standing too swiftly and swaying unsteadily on her feet. Only Inara's steadying arm allowed her to stay standing and with a heavy sigh, she sank back into the hammock.

Breathing in deeply through her nose and releasing the breath through her mouth, Kaylee waited until she felt the room stop spinning before giving her friend a sheepish grin. Returning her look with a disapproving stare, Inara frowned and said, "Why don't you tell me the truth?"

Sighing, Kaylee closed her eyes again and tried to quell the fear she felt racing up her spine. Breathing deep once more, she looked to Inara and asked quietly, "Do you got any supplies on your shuttle?"

Frowning deeper, Inara asked, "What kind of supplies?"

"Like female ones," Kaylee elaborated. "Tests and the like?"

Understanding dawning, Inara told her, "Yes, I have some. What exactly do you need a test for?"

Kaylee couldn't say it, choosing instead to turn wide, green eyes to her friend's face, her lower lip trapped between her teeth as she tried to control her rising emotions.

With a sympathetic smile, and light kiss to the forehead, Inara reached for Kaylee's hand and said quietly, "Come on, mei mei. Let's go have some tea and talk for a bit."

---- ----

Simon fingered the silky material, still unable to make up his mind. He had already examined every silk nightgown in the small store, oscillating between color and cut as if it was a decision that could alter the very shape of the 'verse. Of course, considering that it was for Kaylee, Simon was more than a little worried; the last thing he wanted to do was get her the wrong thing.

"She won't care if it's the ugliest color ever made," a knowing and slightly annoyed voice told him lightly.

With a small sigh, Simon draped his latest option over his arm and turned towards his sister as she added, "She'll love it because it came from you."

Smiling lightly, Simon looked back to the lingerie, finally choosing a short, blue one with thin straps at the top and headed to the front of the store to pay. "Done with your part in the job?"

River followed behind him, her hands running along the tops of the shelves. "Yup," she said, finding a particularly appropriate item for her brother, given the circumstances. Picking it up, she hurried to his side as he was about to hand over his credits and plopped it down on the counter next to Kaylee's gift.

"You need this too," she told him, only staring at him with an impassive expression as his eyes widened.

Blushing slightly as the clerk gave Simon a skeptical look, he swiped the package of diapers off the counter and shoved them back towards his sister. "Quit playing around, River. No one on Serenity needs those."

Thinking she should probably argue with him, but knowing he would never believe her until he performed the test himself, River stalked back to the shelf and replaced the baby item. Meeting Simon outside, she watched with a small smile as he possessively clutched the brown paper package to his chest, his gift for Kaylee protected inside.

Walking back with him towards the ship, Simon continued to stare at the package, hoping he'd made the right choice, wondering what Kaylee's reaction would be, when the right moment might be to give it to her.

Reaching the bottom of the open ramp, River climbed inside, glancing over her shoulder once, saying, "I wouldn't wait."

Before Simon could question her on her meaning, she was headed towards the bridge, muttering, "In a few months, it won't fit her."

---- ----

"Kaylee, maybe you should stay up here for a bit longer. Collect your thoughts." Inara's gaze was wide-eyed and concerned, her friend's state-of-mind more than a bit clouded.

Pacing frantically, Kaylee could only continue to wring her hands before her. She knew it wasn't healthy or even logical to be so upset. Women had been getting pregnant and having babies for hundreds, even thousands of years. So why did the thought of a small, new life – one that was part her and part Simon – scare her so?

Kaylee paused suddenly and Inara watched as she sank onto the end of the bed, her big eyes staring straight ahead, unseeing and unfocused. "What am I gonna do, 'Nara?" she breathed. Closing her eyes, she thought of Simon and tried to banish the image from her mind of him storming from their bunk the minute she told him the news. "I can't …" Her voice died away as she felt a sob well in her throat. Swallowing it down, she whispered, "What am I gonna do?"

Taking a deep breath, Inara hesitantly knelt before her mei mei, clasping her hands in her own and squeezing gently. Taking a shaky breath, Kaylee raised her eyes to her friend's and saw compassion there. A small bit of relief finding its way into her heart, Kaylee listened as the older woman asked seriously, "What do you want to do?"

"Not be pregnant," Kaylee murmured, the words meaning something completely different to the young mechanic than they meant to Inara.

Rising with a grim expression on her features, Inara went back towards her supply cabinet, where she had pulled the test from earlier and reached for something else. "We can take care of that, mei mei," the woman told her, turning again to face her. "But I really think you should discuss it with Simon first."

Her features clouding with confusion, Kaylee looked to Inara and then saw the bottle of medication in her hands. Rising swiftly, Kaylee backed up, her confusion replaced by fear and a bit of horror. Shaking her head swiftly, she told her, "No, 'Nara, I can't do that. I can't kill a baby," she said urgently, her hands covering her flat stomach protectively. "I jus' meant I wish I hadn't gotten pregnant is all."

Feeling her own bit of relief that she had misunderstood, Inara quickly stowed the medication and came back to her friend's side. Brushing her hair back from her face, she told the girl, "Then sweetie, I think you really need to talk to Simon."

As Kaylee's eyes widened with more fear, Inara asked softly, "Mei mei, what are you so afraid of?" When Kaylee could not answer, she continued. "Has he said he doesn't want children?"

"We ain't even talked about it," Kaylee wailed, pulling away from the older woman and going back to sit on her bed. "We ain't talked 'bout half the things serious couples is supposed to talk about." With wide and confused eyes, Kaylee looked to Inara and tried to explain. "I mean, 'Nara, we ain't even been together three months. What's he gonna think o' me?"

Frowning, the Companion crossed her arms over her chest and questioned, "What do you mean mei mei?"

"He's gonna think I did it on purpose," Kaylee mumbled, feeling more tears sting her eyes as she imagined the disappointment and disgust she feared Simon would show her when she revealed this news. "That I'm tryin' to trap 'im or that I'm just so stupid I can't even keep from gettin' pregnant."

Moving quickly back to her side, Inara told her urgently, "You listen to me, Kaylee. You did not get pregnant by yourself. It takes two people to make a baby. Simon is just as responsible for that child as you are."

Swallowing hard past the lump in her throat, Kaylee nodded numbly, still not totally convinced. With a heavy sigh, she flopped back onto Inara's bed, curling into a ball. With a small smile of reassurance, Inara edged forward, running her hand through Kaylee's hair as the girl cried a few more silent tears. "I always wanted to be a ma," she confided. "But 'Nara, I'm in love with Simon. It took us so long to get to this place, I don't wanna scare 'im off 'fore we even get the chance to see if we could really work."

Sniffling, Kaylee buried her face into Inara's satin sheets and cried some more, absolutely petrified. Concern again swelling in her heart for her mei mei, Inara pressed a light kiss to her cheek and told her quietly, "I think you're being much too hard on Simon. He does love you, that's obvious to all of us. And it was obvious to you up until about an hour ago," she reminded, getting a pained expression from her friend.

"It ain't the love part, it's the commitment part that I'm scared he ain't gonna like," Kaylee told her, wiping at her tears even as more fell to replace them.

Continuing to run a soothing hand through Kaylee's hair, Inara told her, "Just get some sleep, Kaylee. After a little nap this won't seem so daunting and we can make a plan."

Kaylee nodded once, her mind whirling with conflicting thoughts. But her body was spent and within moments she had drifted into a fitful sleep, wishing she had the courage to tell Simon he would be a dad, and wishing even more fervently that she had the courage to accept she would soon be a mom.

---- ----

Simon had searched the ship from stem to stern looking for his bao bei. The immaculately wrapped package had begun to suffer the investigation as he clutched at the soft paper harder and harder looking for Kaylee. He had thought to keep the nightgown as a gift for a later day, maybe a birthday or anniversary, but the more he thought of her bright smile and how the silky garment would look on her beautiful body, the more he decided he didn't want to wait.

He'd done enough waiting where Kaylee was concerned, and that was something Simon had resolved to bring to an end. He had thought, all those months before Miranda that keeping her at arm's length was the right thing for them both, and for River. His mei mei had needed his undivided attention and love, but Simon's own heart and soul had suffered for denying Kaylee's presence in his life. Now, as the weeks and months passed, Simon could not imagine his life without the effervescent woman, could not imagine waking up alone or being unable to talk with her, smile with her, laugh with her, kiss her.

Simon had never been one to subscribe to any romantic notions, love at first sight and the like, but after having met Kaylee and experiencing true love, he realized there was such a thing as soul mates. There really could be another person in the 'verse who complemented his missing pieces, who made him whole. And her name was Kaywinnet Lee Frye.

With a small sigh, Simon quickened his pace, ascending one of the cargo bay's many staircases and heading for Inara's shuttle. Knocking lightly on her hatch, he hid Kaylee's gift behind his back and greeted the Companion with a small smile as she answered the door.

"Simon," she said, her voice sounding a bit surprised. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Well, yes, actually," Simon stammered. "I was looking for Kaylee. I thought she might be here with you."

Her eyes darting back into the shuttle, Inara gave him an unreadable expression as she gingerly stepped onto the catwalk with him and said softly, "She is here, Simon. She's taking a little nap."

His brow furrowing with instant concern, he asked, "Is she all right?"

"For the most part," Inara answered softly. As Simon's expression grew more concerned, she told him, "She's just been feeling a tad under the weather."

"Why didn't she tell me?" he whispered trying to move past Inara and get to his bao bei's side.

With a light hand to his arm, Inara stopped him and waited until his blue eyes were on her face before saying, "She should be fine, Simon."

Taking her hand from his arm and squeezing it lightly, he told her, "I appreciate that, Inara, but I'll feel better once I've examined her."

With a small nod, Inara made a decision, resigning herself to the fact that Kaylee might never forgive her. "Well then, why don't the two of you use my shuttle for a bit? You can make sure she's all right and I'll see you both at dinner."

Before Simon had a moment to object, Inara had turned away and started down the stairs to the cargo bay floor. Looking after her with a puzzled expression, Simon shrugged lightly and stepped into her shuttle, his concern for Kaylee again on the rise. Shutting the hatch behind him, he stepped out from around one of Inara's many drapes and paused, a slight gasp escaping his lips.

He had only been off the ship for three hours at the most, and yet, as Simon stared at Kaylee now, her small form covered with a blanket, her fists curled up and under her chin as her honey-brown hair fanned out around her face, it was as if he was seeing her for the first time. He was again struck by her beauty, her natural ways and her perfection. Of course, he was also struck by his good fortune and in an effort to assure himself he wasn't dreaming, he moved swiftly to her side, sitting next to her and pressing a light kiss to her lips.

With a soft sigh, Kaylee rolled over onto her back and stretched her arms as she awoke. Finally pulling her eyes opening, she sat up quickly as she recognized Simon's face and asked hurriedly, "Simon, what're ya doin' here? Where's 'Nara?"

Concerned by her reaction and the paleness that had assaulted her features, Simon edged closer to her and rested his hand against her forehead. "Inara told me you weren't feeling well. I wanted to be sure you were all right." Not finding a fever, he next reached for her wrist, placing two fingers against the underside to measure her pulse. Feeling how fast her heart was beating, he brought worried eyes back to her face. "Kaylee, your heart is racing. Are you all right?"

Forcing a chuckle and a smile onto her features, Kaylee told him stiffly, "Me? Oh yeah, I'm fine. Prolly jus' somethin' I ate." As she had earlier with Inara, Kaylee felt a real urge to extricate herself from the situation and so she swung her legs out and onto the floor, rising even though she could feel her head still swimming.

And, without fail, she swayed on her feet, literally falling into Simon's outstretched arms as he had risen to catch her. Clutching his shoulders to steady herself, Kaylee took a deep breath and said softly, "Oops, guess I'm just a bit dizzy."

Simon's worry had quickly blossomed into full grown concern as he watched Kaylee struggle to regain her balance. Guiding her back to the bed, he helped her to rest comfortably and then pressed a kiss to her forehead. "How else do you feel bad?" he asked, his doctor diagnosis abilities kicking in. "Is this the first dizzy spell you've had?"

Watching Simon grow more and more anxious over her well-being only caused Kaylee's heart to beat faster. His intense blue eyes were locked on her features and Kaylee stared into them for a minute, recognizing love as it shone on her and also his concern. Swallowing thickly, she thought to the new life they had created growing inside of her, thought of her assertion to Inara an hour or so before that she wasn't so sure she could tell Simon, that she wasn't even so sure she could reconcile the fact that she was going to be a parent.

But now, with Simon so close and his thumb gently caressing the back of her hand, she knew that she had to tell him. She had to and then, she would have to deal with the outcome, whatever it might be – even if it meant losing the love of her life for good.

Noting her pensive gaze, Simon asked softly, "Kaylee? You still with me?"

Blinking rapidly and refocusing her eyes to him, Kaylee smiled sweetly and said, "Yeah, I'm here. An' I'm fine, Simon, truly. We jus' haven't been doin' a lot o' sleepin' lately," she told him, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Chuckling deeply, Simon's face blushed a bit as he recognized the truth in her words. "I guess we haven't," he murmured. Leaning in, he brushed his lips to hers, but pulled back before Kaylee could deepen the kiss. As she pouted, he only grinned wider and reached for the package he'd brought and tried to hide from her view. "Speaking of sleeping …" He teased and dropped the brown paper package into her lap.

Kaylee's eyes widened at the sight and looking to him, she breathed, "You got me a present?"

He nodded once his heart beating sharply in his chest as he anxiously waited for her reaction. Flipping the package over in her hands, Kaylee made no move to open it, but only stared and then finally asked, "How come? It ain't my birthday or nothin'."

Shrugging lightly, Simon told her, "I just wanted to." As she continued to stare, he covered one of her hands with his own and urged her, "Open it."

Biting her lip in anticipation, Kaylee made quick work of the brown wrapping, discarding it to the floor as the silky blue nightgown slid out and into her lap. Picking it up gingerly, Kaylee examined it, rubbing smooth fabric to her face. Raising shining eyes to him, she whispered, "It's so pretty."

Releasing a breath of relief he hadn't known he was holding, Simon told her, "Not as pretty as you, but I thought you might like it."

Nodding eagerly, Kaylee returned her gaze to the beautiful piece of lingerie, trying to fight down her tears. "No body's ever gotten me somethin' so rich before," she told him, missing the grimace that passed over Simon's features. This small token of his affection was nothing compared to the type of finery he could have once afforded to buy her in his old life.

Kaylee's eyes began to water as her heart broke just a bit. Simon did really love her, he had bought her a present, using his very limited funds to get something just for her, and Kaylee felt that sacrifice deeply. Clearing her throat, she stared at the deep blue material for a second more before handing it back to him. "I can't accept it," she told him, willing her voice to remain steady.

Confused and instantly on edge, Simon sat back from her and asked, "Why not? You don't like it."

Tears welling in her eyes at his fearful expression, Kaylee told him, "No, I love it. It's just I … I don't deserve it," she finished softly, drawing an even more confused gaze from the young man.

"That's nonsense, bao bei," he told her softly, cupping her cheek in his hand. Lifting her face so he could meet her gaze, he finally caught sight of her tears and asked earnestly, "Kaylee, what is it?"

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee pulled away from him, taking extra time to fold up the fancy new nightgown and place it beside her. Running her fingers over it for a second more, when she finally looked back to Simon, the sadness in her features made his heart stop. "Please tell me," he whispered, a hundred horrible guesses at what she might say flying through his mind.

Staring at him for a minute, she admitted, "I don't even know how." Taking a deep breath, Kaylee reached for one of his hands and held it in both of her own. Meeting his gaze unflinchingly and doing her best to keep her voice even, she said, "There's somethin' I gotta tell ya."

"You don't love me." Simon murmured the words, completely unaware he'd spoken them out loud until he saw Kaylee's wide-eyed and horrified expression.

Shaking her head swiftly, Kaylee swallowed hard, knowing that she was only making it worse. "No, sweetie," she assured him, leaning forward to be closer to him. "That ain't it."

As a bit of Simon's tension eased, he held her green-eyed gaze and waited with barely contained anticipation. Taking one more deep breath, Kaylee finally worked up the courage to say, "I think I'm pregnant."

Silence wrapped its way around them and the young lovers found themselves in an involuntary staring contest. Kaylee's heart pounded in her ears as she searched Simon's face for some kind of reaction. His face had paled a bit at her words, his eyes growing a bit wider, but other than that nothing and the absence of any reaction was almost worse than one she had been expecting.

Simon was fairly certain his brain had stopped functioning as soon as Kaylee had spoken. He could not form a thought, let alone a sentence and so he could only stare, his eyes even having lost the ability to see. Working his tongue around his mouth, Simon tried to generate enough saliva to speak, and finally managed to croak out, "I don't understand."

Kaylee took a deep breath, but did not speak, waiting for Simon to collect more of his thoughts. It was only fair; she had had a few hours to come to terms with this. Simon deserved the same kind of time. She waited, her stomach churning with fear and doubt as Simon rose slowly and paced away from her, his steps even and measured. Completing his fifth circle around the shuttle, he finally turned back to her and said again, "I don't understand. We were careful."

Nodding once, Kaylee told him, "We were, but sometimes things jus' happen. I don't know how." Biting back the apology she felt dying to rush from her lips, Kaylee waited for him to say something more. And when he did, she wished he hadn't.

"We can't … we can't have a baby," he murmured, his eyes roaming around the shuttle, looking to anything, but Kaylee's pained expression. "I mean, we just can't."

"But we're gonna," Kaylee reminded him, trying desperately to ignore the dread that had filled her heart.

"But we can't," Simon said, firmer this time. Finally focusing his eyes to her, he said, "I can't be a father. We just started our relationship. I'm still a fugitive. We live on a ship for God's sake!" Throwing his arms up into the air, Simon again began pacing, this time more frantically and Kaylee could only wrap her arms around herself as she watched him react precisely as she had predicted.

He continued to fume as Kaylee continued to pretend her heart was not shattering into a million pieces, that the life she had thought was only a dream looked to be ending as a nightmare. Burying her head into her knees as she rocked herself back and forth, she muffled her sobs and did her best not to collapse into a puddle on the floor.

Simon had a hard time looking at her, because when he did, he only felt his love and need for her increase tenfold. But that love, that desire could not quell the fear he felt; the very real fear that he had ruined her life by getting her pregnant when she was so young, when they were both so young, when their relationship was so young. He didn't want to react this way, he wanted to charge across the room and take her in his arms and tell her he was thrilled, but Simon couldn't do that. He was a terrible liar and he knew she'd see right through it.

Of course his standoffishness was worse; Simon could tell by the hollow look in Kaylee's eyes that she thought his distance meant he didn't love her, he didn't want her, when the truth was precisely the opposite. No, he was keeping his distance because his fear was threatening to choke him. He could not be a parent – he was fairly certain, given his role models that he would be a terrible father. And Kaylee's children didn't deserve that. They deserved a father who would play with them and wrestle, who would climb trees and get smudged with dirt, who would hold them when they cried or had a bad dream, who would never make them feel unloved or stupid, who would always remind them of how precious they were. Simon wasn't so sure he was that man.

Suddenly the shuttle was stifling and Simon could not breathe. Knowing that his track record when talking to Kaylee was spotty at best, he felt the very real need to leave before his idiotic mouth got him into even more trouble. With a mumbled, "I need some time," he brushed out of the room, doing his best to make it out the door before he heard Kaylee's first strangled sob.

Crying heavily now as she was again alone, Kaylee reached for the gift Simon had given her, wrapping the silky material into her hands allowing her tears to wet it.

---- ----

River circled the catwalks above the cargo bay, her feet running lightly over the cool metal as she gracefully twirled along, dancing to music that only she could hear. She felt lighter then she had for a long time and she knew it was partly due to her lessons with Inara. While River believed that the real thing would be much more satisfying in the end, she had to admit that the tension she'd felt building and pulsing in her gut had eased since she'd learned the fine art of self-pleasure.

Pulling herself from her musings, she heard the familiar sound of grunting and heavy breathing and leaned over the closest railing to see Jayne hefting a barbell over his chest. With a slightly curious expression, River watched him in silence, knowing he was completely oblivious to her presence. He would never stomach her staring if he'd been aware that she was.

Jayne was not a girl, this was something River had learned early on in her time on board, and as she watched him now, his highly muscled arms pumping the weight up and down, she felt a familiar stirring in her gut. She didn't really want to sleep with Jayne, she in no way loved him. Cared for him maybe, but love? No. However, she hadn't been lying when she'd asserted how pleasing he was from a female perspective.

A mischievous gleam lighting her eyes as a dastardly idea popped into her head, River glided on silent feet along the walkway and down the stairs, taking care to approach him from behind and stay out of sight. The closer she got, the louder his pants became and River felt her stomach tightening again. The muscles of his arms were nothing compared to the rock hard muscles of his chest and abdomen which River could make out, clearly defined through his now sweat-soaked t-shirt.

Licking her lips lightly, River stepped up behind him and as he lifted the barbell again, she grabbed it easily, holding it up so he could not continue his reps.

"Gorramit girl," he growled, shoving the weights to rest in their cradle and scrambling to stand. "What the hell you playin' at? Sneakin' up on me like that?"

With a coy smile, River cast her eyes to the floor, and answered demurely, "Just wanted to ask you a question."

Snorting with derision, Jayne grabbed his towel, wiping down his neck and arms and said, "Oh really."

Nodding once, River's wide eyes again alit to his face and she stepped towards him, noting with satisfaction how his body, his entire body, stiffened the closer she got. Standing so close, she could feel his hot breath against her face, River turned baleful eyes up to him and remained silent, trying to ignore her own growing want for him as his closeness caused her body to burn. Ai ya, she needed to have sex, with a man, and fast.

Holding her look for only a second more, Jayne swallowed thickly and tried not to focus on her lithe pale limbs or the curve of her neck or how her mouth was so perfect that he could just lean down and … Shaking his head swiftly, Jayne took an exaggerated step backwards, which River matched, of course, and grunted, "Whatda ya wan'?"

Passing her tongue over her lips again, River felt his desire spike and she asked quietly, "Don't you ever get tired Jayne?" Reaching for his right hand, as she knew it was the one he favored, she traced along his fingers and looked back to him. "Don't you ever get tired of having to do for yourself?"

His eyes widening to an unhealthy point, River willed herself not to grin as she heard his breathing quicken, felt his pulse under her fingers speed up. Taking another tiny step closer to him, their bodies touching, she dropped her voice to a husky whisper and confided, "I know I do."

Swallowing again thickly, Jayne's mind turned to mush as he tried and failed to dismiss the image of River "doing for herself." "I don't know what you're talkin' 'bout, girl," he murmured, his voice deep with desire.

Leaning forward on her tiptoes, River placed her mouth by his ear and whispered, "Yes you do."

And then, with a suddenness she hadn't been expecting, River gasped as Jayne wrapped an arm around her waist and pressed her against him, allowing her to feel just how 'tired' he was. Her mind swimming as she felt his hard length press into her, River closed her eyes and tried to keep her wits about her, as Jayne's hot breath whispered against her cheek, "You're right, maybe I do."

Her eyes flicking to his as they were now so close to one another the distance between them was indiscernible, both River and Jayne found themselves panting slightly, their hearts racing and their minds exploring places they should not go.

Releasing her quickly, River stepped out of Jayne's hold and avoided his gaze. Turning almost simultaneously and heading in two different directions, they both murmured, "I'll be in my bunk."

---- ----

Neither Kaylee nor Simon was present for dinner and this worried Inara. She had not seen them since she'd left them both in her shuttle and now, over four hours later, she felt that they both should have made an appearance.

Fearing the worst, Inara hurried back to where she'd last left her mei mei, doing her best to not raise anyone's suspicions. Stepping into the shuttle, Inara was greeted with the sight of Kaylee staring at the ceiling. The dim light made reading the younger woman's expression difficult, but as Inara approached her, she saw the crease of worry lines in her forehead and the trails of tear stains on her cheeks and she felt her heart crack a little.

"I don't wanna be a single parent, 'Nara," Kaylee's hoarse voice grated on the other woman's ears. It was so out of character for her. "I don't wanna raise a baby by myself."

"Did Simon tell you you'd have to?" Inara asked, running a light hand through the other woman's hair.

Shaking her head no, Kaylee sighed heavily. "He jus' said we couldn't have a baby. That he couldn't be a pa." Her throat constricting as she remembered the look of absolute horror on his features, Kaylee mumbled, "An' then he left."

"Oh mei mei," Inara breathed, placing a light hand to the girl's cheek and catching a few more tears as they fell in silence. In truth, she was a bit surprised by Simon's reaction. She had suspected he would take it badly, but she had not thought he would walk out on Kaylee after hearing the news. Praying that wasn't an indicator of how Simon would live with this information, she told her friend softly, "He'll come around. Just give him some time."

"Time?" Kaylee's voice was a strangled cry as she sat upright and searched her friend's face for some kind of answer. "It took Simon near eight months to realize he wanted to be with me. This baby's gonna be here by then an' what if Simon ain't made a decision?"

Swallowing hard, Inara didn't know what to tell the woman. She wanted to offer her some kind of reassurance that everything would work out, but she knew any words she could manage would be empty. There were only two people who could fix this and unfortunately, both of them were too afraid to figure out how.

"What can I do, mei mei?" Inara's soft voice drew Kaylee's eyes back to her face and the companion smiled to her as she asked again, "What can I do?"

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee knew she couldn't hide in Inara's shuttle forever. Rising slowly, she told her, "Jus' don't say nothin', 'kay? I'll have to figure out what to do, but I jus' can't-"

Reaching for her hand and squeezing it gently, Inara assured, "Don't worry, Kaylee. I won't say anything."

With a sad smile, Kaylee murmured, "Thanks, 'Nara."

Her steps slow and her shoulders slumped, Kaylee made her way towards the engine room, thinking that she could at least tinker away a bit on her engine before turning in for the night. Where she would sleep was a question and one she tried not to think on. She and Simon had been sharing his bunk for the better part of the last three months, but after he'd stormed from the shuttle, Kaylee didn't rightly know if he'd want to see her tonight, and she wasn't so sure she wanted to see him either. Maybe working on the engine would offer her the distraction she so obviously needed.

She was grateful that she did not run into anyone on the way, in no mood to put on a false front just to convince them that she was fine. She wasn't fine. She was miserable and even the eternally optimistic Kaylee Frye could wallow from time to time. Rolling her shoulders back in an effort to ease some of the tension she felt, Kaylee tipped her head back and closed her eyes as she descended the couple of steps into the engine room. Releasing a big breath, she opened her eyes to survey the room and inhaled sharply.

Her eyes widening slightly, she stood frozen as Simon rose at her entrance, approaching her slowly, a sheepish grin on his face. Moving to stand just in front of her, he whispered softly, "I am an idiot."

Barely able to breathe for fear she might ruin the moment, Kaylee could only stare as she watched Simon try and express himself. Sighing heavily, he reached for her hands, holding them tenderly as he said, "I shouldn't have reacted that way and I never should have left you alone in Inara's shuttle. That was wrong."

Shaking her head quickly, Kaylee told him, "S'okay. I can 'magine it was quite a shock. Was to me an' I had hours to think 'bout it for you came back." Casting her gaze to the floor, she added quietly, "An' folks react to bad news all sorts o' different ways."

Simon's breath hitched in his throat as he heard the sadness and hurt in her voice. Silently cursing his idiotic behavior once again, he placed a finger under chin, he tilted her head so he could lock his gaze on hers. "It's not bad news, Kaylee. Just unexpected."

Shaking her head again, Kaylee backed away from him and headed for her workbench. Picking up one of her favorite wrenches, she turned to the engine and began fiddling. "You don't gotta say that, Simon," she told him, willing her tears to stay in. "I know you don' wanna have a kid."

"I don't know if want really enters into the equation anymore," he reminded her, noting how her shoulders tensed at his words. "Kaylee, the fact is, you're pregnant and it's my child."

Taking a deep breath, Kaylee dropped her arms to her side, her head hanging for a second as she tried to collect her thoughts. Looking back to him, she asked softly, "You don't think I know that? I do, Simon. I get it, this is pretty much as permanent as you can get." Stepping towards him she said, "But that still don' change the fact that you don' want this kid."

"I didn't say that," he hastened to explain trying not to flinch as she rolled her eyes at him in annoyance.

"No, you may not o' used them words, but I'm thinkin' 'I can't be a father' comes pretty ruttin' close." Kaylee's eyes blazed with a bit of anger. Suddenly, she resented Simon, resented the fact that he could choose to walk away if he wanted to, where as she could not. She would be pregnant for the next nine months, getting heavy, having mood swings, and end up birthing a baby. She literally had no out and she didn't like the fact that Simon did.

Stepping back from him, her hands raised in a sign of mock surrender, she told him, "You know what, Simon? You go 'head an' think on it. Think on whether or not you wanna be a pa. Whether or not you wanna take responsibility for this baby I'm carryin'." As Simon's face paled at the harshness of her tone and her dismissal, she bit out, "I'll just be here, pregnant, 'cause I ain't gotta choice."

Locked in a stalemate, they held each other's gazes steadily, neither of them at all certain what could or should be said. Simon felt his life slipping away as he watched Kaylee's stance grow more distant. She was his life and if she pulled away from him now, he wasn't so certain he would survive it. And she had a point; the responsibility was his. It was finally time for the notoriously boobish Simon Tam to step up and fight for what he had, to admit what he wanted and not let fear guide his actions. He had lived in fear for far too long and it was no way to be.

Moving towards her, Simon watched as Kaylee backed away from him, her back meeting the wall of the room and standing there uncomfortably. Swallowing past the large lump in his throat, Simon said, "Please don't shut me out."

"I don't wan' ya here if you don' wanna be," she retorted, her voice cracking as she realized she was literally opening the door for him to leave her; all he'd have to do was walk through it. "I don' want you stayin' with me 'cause of an accident. If'n you don't really want me or this baby, Simon, you better jus' walk away now."

"No." The word was spoken softly, but firmly and it took Kaylee completely by surprise. Her eyes widening with shock and then narrowing with suspicion, she crossed her arms over her chest defensively and continued to stare.

Refusing to let her bully him, Simon moved to stand before her and reached out to cup her face in his hands. "No, Kaylee," he told her softly. "I will not walk away from you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, bar none. And I do love you, that's the truth."

Biting her lip and trying to keep her tears in, Kaylee could only listen as he continued. "Sure, this is unexpected and took me completely by surprise, but I am in love with you and I don't see that changing." Taking one more step towards her, Simon dipped his mouth to meet hers and whispered, "Ever."

Before she could protest, he pressed his lips to hers, kissing her fervently, doing his best to convince her that he was telling the truth. Kaylee felt her tension ebb away at his touch and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him fiercely, almost desperately, as he continued to kiss her. Parting for air, their foreheads resting against one another, they kept the silence between them for a moment until finally Kaylee asked, "Are you sure, Simon?"

He gazed into her wide green eyes and saw her anxiety, saw the real fear that he was only staying with her out of obligation. Knowing that convincing her otherwise could take a lifetime, Simon wrapped an arm around her shoulders and brought her to her hammock. Sitting with her gingerly on the edge, Simon faced her and said, "Kaylee, when I, reacted before, it wasn't because of anything you did."

Her eyes, so open and trusting, pierced his heart and Simon squeezed her hands lightly as he continued. "It was because I was scared. I let my fear override my heart, something I am much too adept at doing and it caused me to react badly. It caused me to hurt you and make you feel unwanted and for that I am truly sorry."

Leaning forward he brushed a light kiss to her forehead and Kaylee sighed a bit at the touch as she breathed, "I'm real sorry, Simon. I am. I hope you know that."

Looking to her, he asked, "Sorry for what, bao bei?"

"For this," she told him, her hand flattening against her stomach. "I shoulda been more careful or somethin'. I didn't-"

Pressing a finger to her mouth, Simon smiled to her and Kaylee felt her knees grow weak, even as more tears of relief formed in her eyes. "If we're going to start throwing blame around, than it's my fault too, Kaylee. You didn't get pregnant on your own."

Staring at her for a moment, Simon continued softly, "I wish I could take back my initial reaction. I wish I hadn't hurt you like that or made you doubt how much you mean to me." As Kaylee again opened her mouth to protest, Simon simply shook his head once and continued. "But since I can't, I will tell you every minute of every day if that's what it takes, that I love you. And we're going to have a baby." She smiled slightly, wiping hurriedly at her tears as he told her, "A new little person that is part you and part me. And I can't …" Pausing for a moment, Simon's hand rested against her cheek and he smiled as she nuzzled her face into his hand. "I can't lose you, Kaylee."

Crying silently, Kaylee wrapped her arms around him and murmured, "I love you so much, Simon."

Simon held her back just as tightly, feeling the warmth of her against him and saying a silent prayer to the Shepherd that he had not lost her for good. They held each other for quite a while, neither of them at all certain they could let go yet. Simon's hands rubbed gently along her back and Kaylee sighed at the touch, feeling a million pounds lighter now that she knew they were all right. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, Kaylee waited until his eyes were on hers before she asked softly, "Can I tell ya somethin'?"

Noting her hesitation, Simon brushed some hair off her forehead and told her honestly, "Anything."

Swallowing thickly, Kaylee confided, "I am scared outta my mind."

With a small smile, Simon kissed her lightly and again wrapped her to him. "I am too, bao bei. But we're going to be fine. We're going to get through this and when all of it's said and done we'll have a perfect little life."

"That's part you an' part me," Kaylee murmured, her head resting against his shoulder.

"Exactly," Simon told her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. As another long silence stretched between them, Simon finally asked, "I didn't eat, did you?"

Shaking her head, Kaylee told him, "I wasn't all that hungry."

Frowning, Simon rose and pulled her to her feet. "Well, too bad," he scolded, getting a small giggle from her as he tickled her side. "Because now you're eating for two. So let's go get some dinner."

"Yes sir, Doctor Tam," Kaylee saluted, grinning widely at him as he wrapped his arm around her waist and led her from the room. "You gonna take care o' me like this for the next nine months?" she asked quietly, thinking that it didn't sound so bad.

Kissing the top of her head, Simon asked, "Do you think you can handle it?"

Her smile widening, Kaylee pressed a kiss to his cheek and told him, "Oh yeah, I can handle it." Winking at him, she murmured, "The question is, can you?"


	5. Chapter 5: A Wish Deferred

Make a Wish: Chapter 5

A Wish Deferred

---- ----

"Kaylee!"

Mal's booming voice echoed through the cargo bay as he charged up the stairs and towards the engine room. Steadying himself against the wall as the ship again buckled beneath his feet, Mal stifled a curse and sped up, storming into the galley. Meeting Inara's concerned gaze and Jayne's uncaring one, Mal questioned, "Where's my ruttin' mechanic?"

Shrugging, Jayne continued to clean one of his girls, even as the ship rocked again. Heading towards the hatch that led to the bridge, Mal yelled, "Albatross, hold her steady, would ya?"

"Trying to, captain," the young woman's strained voice came back. "Going to need Kaylee's help though to get her on the ground in one piece."

"Mal, what's wrong?" Inara asked quietly, keeping a hand to the table as she rose to meet him.

Whirling on her, Mal gestured around the room, noting a few of the trinkets that had come dislodged as a result of the rocking and told her, "We might be crashin'." Stalking past her and towards the engine room, he ground out, "I'll let you know if we die."

Inara watched Mal go, frowning at his back. Looking to Jayne, the big oaf was still lost in the meticulous task of polishing one of his pistols. Content that he did not suspect anything, Inara hurried from the room and made it to the bridge, watching as River's lithe arms gripped at the controls. Standing behind the young pilot's chair, Inara asked quietly, "Is it bad?"

Glancing to her for only a minute, River's big eyes met Inara's and she nodded. Focusing back on the task of landing the ship safely, River said softly, "I know she can't get there right now, but I really need her help."

Nodding once, Inara took a deep breath and then headed for Simon and Kaylee's bunk. She hated to bother her friend whom she knew was having terrific bouts of morning sickness, but it appeared that if the young mechanic did not show up in the engine room within minutes, a bit of nausea would be the least of all of their worries.

---- ----

"Simon, I gotta go." Kaylee fumbled, reaching for her coveralls as another wave of nausea overwhelmed her. Leaning back over the basin in the corner of Simon's bunk, she again wretched, panting a bit as she laid her forehead on the cool metal edge of the sink and took a deep breath.

With a light touch, Simon rubbed her back and told her, "Bao bei, you can't. You haven't been able to take a step away from that sink for the past twenty minutes." Sweeping some of her hair back from her face, he gave her a sympathetic smile as she turned to look at him. "You just need to wait it out."

"I don't know if we got time for that," Kaylee told him dryly. As if reinforcing her point, the ship shuddered violently again, causing Kaylee's stomach to churn and another spill of vomit to come out of her mouth. "You heard the cap'n yellin'. If'n we crash, the cap'n's gonna kill me," she wailed, a few tears falling down her face as her love for her ship warred with her deep desire to crawl back into bed until her stomach stopped roiling.

Feeling a bit weak, Kaylee grabbed at the edge of the sink as the ship rocked again and Simon steadied her easily, his arm wrapping around her and guiding her back to the bunk. Sitting her down he reached for a rag, wiping the cool cloth over her face as Kaylee continued to breathe in and out. "I'm sorry, bao bei," he whispered to her, pressing a kiss to her forehead before sitting beside her, his arm around her shoulders.

With a heavy sigh, Kaylee leaned into his side and said quietly, "Ain't your fault, sweetie. My mama had terrible mornin' sickness when she was pregnant with me. It's just my body, I guess." Sighing again, Kaylee wrapped her legs up underneath her, burrowing even further into Simon's side as he tightened his hold on her. "It'll pass soon 'nough."

Marveling at her optimism, Simon pressed a kiss into her hair and was about to suggest she try to go back to sleep when a light knock sounded on his screen. As both of them turned their eyes to the door, Inara's voice could be heard, calling, "Kaylee?"

Whimpering softly as she realized things must really be bad if Inara was seeking her out, Kaylee fell onto the bed as Simon rose and answered the door. Sliding back the screen, he told the other woman, "Inara, it's really not a good morning."

As the ship buckled again, Inara rolled her eyes and answered sarcastically. "No kidding." Looking over his shoulder, her features softened at the pathetic sight of her mei mei. Bringing her eyes back to Simon, she said quietly, "River says she needs Kaylee's help."

Sighing lightly, Simon knew they were really in trouble. River was well aware of how much Kaylee had been suffering over the past three weeks as her morning sickness had gotten worse and she had done a great job of running interference for the other woman and for Simon. Neither of the soon-to-be parents was ready to announce their news and it was only with River and Inara's help in keeping the secret that they had managed so far.

Nodding once, Simon smiled to Inara, and then slid the door shut, turning back to Kaylee. Moving to her side, he placed a light hand to her back and said softly, "Kaylee?"

"I told ya it was bad," she murmured, forcing her eyes open. Working herself into a sitting position, she got her bearings for a moment as Simon collected her coveralls. Helping her dress, he watched as Kaylee's face paled at the added movement, his concern for her growing again.

"All right, let's go," Simon told her, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Pushing him away, Kaylee told him, "No, Simon. I gotta go on my own or the cap'n's gonna get suspicious."

Frowning, Simon shook his head lightly, "Kaylee, I don't know-"

"Simon, I'll be fine," Kaylee told him firmly. Meeting his still concerned gaze, she smiled weakly and added, "You know I love you for carin', but until we figure out what exactly we're gonna say, I think actin' as normal as possible is for the best."

Simon nodded once, brushing a kiss to her mouth and whispering, "Can I come check on you later?"

Smiling at him with a small twinkle in her eyes, Kaylee murmured, "You better," before turning and heading from their bunk and towards the engine.

---- ----

"Well, ain't it nice o' you to join us?" Mal spat sarcastically as Kaylee slowly descended into the engine room.

Turning a wary look to him, Kaylee moved towards the comm, and punched it on. "What'd we got, River?"

"I think it's the entry couplings," the other woman's tinny voice answered. "Can you take a look?"

Kaylee nodded needlessly to the speaker and then turned to the engine, doing her best to ignore Mal's glower as he watched her, arms over his chest. Doing her best to walk and act normally, Kaylee peered into Serenity's spinning heart and saw what was causing the problem.

Jumping back slightly as a few sparks erupted, Kaylee called toward the comm, "River, let up on the descent. We're burnin' out."

The pilot did not answer, but within seconds Kaylee could feel the ship slow down, and she breathed a small sigh of relief. Looking back to the offending machinery, Kaylee made a few adjustments, trying to keep her mind from swimming as she felt another wave of nausea rise up her throat. With a sigh, she regarded her work and then called out, "All right, River. Take her in."

As River eased the ship back up to speed, Kaylee watched the couplings, looking for any additional sparking or smoking. Not seeing any, she let out a sigh, and turned to the captain. "Righ' an' shiny," she announced, moving to her work bench and starting to put away her tools.

Frowning, Mal was obviously not convinced. Striding towards the comm he asked River, "Albatross? We gonna make it?"

"We're scheduled to land at the Eavesdown Docks in ten minutes, Captain," the younger woman answered confidently. "Nice work, Kaylee."

"Thanks sweetie," Kaylee said with a small smile. Giving the room one final once over, Kaylee moved to go, passing Mal on the way. "See ya at lunch, cap'n."

"Kaylee," Mal called lightly as she passed him.

Taking a deep breath, Kaylee turned to him slowly and fixed him with a smile, not one of her usual ones, but a smile nonetheless. "Yeah?"

"You all right?" he asked quietly, taking a step towards her and resting a hand to her shoulder. "It ain't like you to not come runnin' when you're baby's not workin' smooth."

Swallowing hard at just hearing the word 'baby' come from Mal's lips, Kaylee had to remind herself that he was talking about the engine. "I'm fine, cap," she told him brightly, masking her discomfort. Guessing of a way to keep Mal from asking any further questions, Kaylee leaned forward and confided, "Me an' Simon ain't been sleepin' much."

Mal retracted his hand from her shoulder instantly, his face contorting into a deadlier look. "You an' the doc," he barked, eyes blazing. "I don't even … I oughta … I'm gonna have a talk with that boy," he finally said, wagging a finger in her face before leaving the room.

Watching him go, Kaylee let out a small sigh, before sinking into her hammock, a hand resting lightly on her stomach. "Oh, lil' one, we got some interestin' times ahead o' us," Kaylee murmured to the new life before falling into a fitful sleep.

---- ----

The job was fairly easy or at least relatively speaking it was. Mal, Zoe, Jayne and River had already contacted Badger, making the necessary arrangements so they could be on and off Persephone within twelve hours. Since Miranda, it always seemed that the less time they spent in any one place, the better.

Mal glanced to his crew, watching as Jayne did everything he could think of to keep his distance from River. Frowning at his mercenary and wondering if perhaps they needed to have another talk, he started slightly as Zoe told him, "Jayne ain't done nothin'. I'd leave it be unless you want 'em together."

Turning to his first mate with a look of pure disbelief, Mal steered the mule through the crowded market and asked her, "Are you ruttin' crazy? That's the last thing I want."

Smiling slightly, Zoe focused her eyes back front and told him, "Sure it is."

About to argue, Mal knew it wasn't worth it. Zoe could think whatever she wanted, but he knew the truth. If anything happened between Jayne and his new pilot, Mal would knock some heads together, starting with Jayne's. Completing their journey to the meet in silence, within three hours they were done, coin in hand.

Jayne beat a path to the nearest whorehouse, desperate for some trim and while Mal thought about giving him a hard time, he let it go. At least if he was getting his satisfaction from some whore, he wouldn't be getting it from River.

Turning to ask the younger woman if she wanted to get lunch with him and Zoe, Mal was greeted by empty space. Looking to Zoe as the woman readjusted a few things on the mule, he asked, "You seen River?"

Nodding, she answered, "Said she had somethin' to do. Said she'd meet us back on board the ship."

"Huh." Mal wondered if River out wondering by her lonesome was a smart idea. Knowing that she had been much better since Miranda and that she could full well take care of herself, he shrugged off his concern and asked Zoe, "So, you wanna get some grub?"

---- ----

"Everythin's okay, right?" Kaylee asked softly, watching Simon's face closely for an adverse reaction.

Placing his stethoscope around his neck, Simon smiled at her as he brushed her hair off her forehead. Leaning towards her, he assured, "Yes, bao bei, everything's fine. You and the baby both are doing great."

Releasing a huge sigh of relief, Kaylee closed her eyes for a moment. When they reopened to Simon they were sparkling, setting off the bright smile that had spread across her face. Reaching for his hand, she allowed him to pull her up into a sitting position. As soon as she could Kaylee wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him tight to her. "Thanks for takin' such good care o' us."

Returning her embrace with a fierce one of his own, Simon pressed a kiss to her temple. "You're the one doing all the work," he told her, his lips brushing against her ear as he spoke. "I'm just watching your progress."

Frowning a bit, Kaylee leaned back to meet his blue-eyed gaze and told him earnestly, "That ain't true, Simon. This past month has been all kinds o' stressful, but you've been so great. An' I love you for that."

Running a hand down her cheek, Simon brought his lips to hers and told her, "I love you for everything."

Giggling lightly, Kaylee returned the kiss, moving her tongue into his mouth as she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him tight to her. Simon's gentle hands, moved along her back, holding her close and Kaylee sighed against the sensation.

Easily lost in the touch and nearness of one another, the young couple did not hear River approach, standing in the doorway, a package behind her back. Watching them suck on each other's faces for only a moment, the younger woman finally cleared her throat loudly and got their attention.

Parting swiftly, Simon face blushed red while Kaylee just smiled wide at his mei mei. "Hey, sweetie. Everythin' go okay?"

Nodding once, River could not keep the huge grin from her features as she bounced into the room and stood next to them. As her eyes looked between them both, Simon and Kaylee also shared a look and it was her brother who questioned, "Is there something you need to tell us, mei mei?"

Taking the paper-wrapped package from behind her back, River told them proudly, "I got you a present." As Kaylee gingerly took it, River corrected herself, "Actually, it's for my-" Pausing abruptly as she realized she could give away the sex of the baby, River simply told them, "Well, it's for the baby."

"Well, thanks sweetie," Kaylee said softly, holding the package in her lap and looking to Simon.

"Yes, River, thank you," Simon said, leaning towards her and pressing a kiss to her cheek. "That was very kind of you."

River simply smiled at the compliment and then waited. When neither young parent made a move to unwrap it, she sighed, "Well, you have to open it."

Running her fingers lightly over the paper package, Kaylee smiled to her again and then pulled the paper away, uncovering a beautiful and soft green blanket underneath. A mint green fleece in the center, it was edged with a thick band of matching green silk that Kaylee gently ran her fingers along.

With a few tears pooling in her eyes, the mom-to-be looked back to River and breathed, "Sweetie, it's beautiful."

Reaching out and taking the blanket from Kaylee's hands, Simon agreed. "Yes, River, it's lovely. Thank you."

Glad they liked it, River reminded them, "Just make sure the baby knows that its Aunt River was the first one to get them a present." And with that the young woman bounded out of the room on light feet.

They both watched her go, touched by River's thoughtfulness. As Simon thought of what a wonderful aunt his sister would be, he brought his gaze back to Kaylee, and watched as she fingered the blanket, her eyes never leaving the fabric. Placing his hand over hers, Simon asked quietly, "Bao bei, are you all right?"

"It's so soft," Kaylee murmured, finally raising her eyes to his face. "Ain't nothin' else on Serenity's soft." Concern in her gaze, she asked urgently, "How we gonna keep the baby safe? The ship's so sharp an' hard an' cold."

Smiling softly, Simon helped her down off the table and led her out to the couch across from the infirmary. As they resettled, Kaylee leaning into his side, the blanket still clutched tightly in her hands, Simon told her, "We will. Once we tell the captain, Mal will think of ways for us to baby-proof the ship."

"If he don't kick us off first," Kaylee murmured, taking a deep breath.

Slightly surprised by the sarcasm in her tone, Simon asked, "Do you really think he would?"

With a sigh, Kaylee smoothed the blanket into her lap and looked to him sadly. "I don't know. I jus' know he ain't gonna like the thought of a baby on his boat an' …" One tear fell down her cheek and Kaylee wiped at it quickly. Squeezing Kaylee a bit tighter to his side, Simon gave her silent encouragement and she finally said softly, "I don' wanna leave Serenity, not yet."

"Then we won't," Simon assured her, tilting her chin up so he could look into her deep green eyes. "Mal knows you are the best mechanic in the 'verse and he knows he really can't afford to lose his medic," Simon reminded her wryly, getting a small smile. "I think he'll react a bit more favorably than you're imagining."

With a roll of her eyes, Kaylee clearly did not believe him. "O' course, in order for us to find out, we're gonna have to tell 'im."

Grimacing, Simon sighed heavily and said, "I know."

It was the same discussion they had been having for four weeks. Kaylee was just a little over a month along when she realized she was pregnant. Now, at a little over two, she was not showing yet and probably wouldn't for another six weeks, and while they were both grateful for the cushion this allowed them in making the announcement, it was really just an excuse for them both to prolong the inevitable.

"We oughta tell 'im sooner rather than later," Kaylee said softly, searching Simon's face for support. "The longer he's got to get used to the idea, the better off we'll be."

"I suppose," Simon said softly, wishing that his stomach did not churn so violently at the thought of telling Mal he had gotten Kaylee pregnant. Pressing a kiss into her hair as he pulled her against his side once again Simon told her, "You say the word, and we'll tell him. All right?"

Nodding, Kaylee brushed a kiss against his cheek and said, "It'll be okay, right?"

"Of course," Simon said quickly wishing he truly believed it.

---- ----

"Did you have a nice time, Jayne?"

River's lilting voice assaulted him the minute he stepped into the cargo bay, but Jayne didn't care. He had had a great time, if the little witch really wanted to know.

With a wide grin, he looked up to the right and saw her leaning far over the railing above. "I did, thank you very much. Found myself a right gorgeous whore," Jayne boasted, his chest puffing out. Of course, his lady friend had looked exactly like River, but Jayne wasn't telling her that – or that he'd made a special request.

Moving quickly from the room, Jayne missed the big grin that lit River's face as she watched him go with a sigh. "But she wasn't me," River whispered softly, delighting in the fact that she really had managed to get under the big man's skin.

---- ----

"Take us outta the world, lil' one." Mal was in a pretty good mood. He'd had real food today, done a job, been paid and not gotten shot. All and all, not too bad. Night had already descended on Persephone so River pulled them up and through the sky, passing through some low-lying clouds, as they headed for the black.

Watching her progress and content that everything was as it should be, Mal turned to go, falling forward as the ship rolled violently to one side. Rising unsteadily, he held a hand to his face, pulling back bloody fingers from the gash along his cheek. Turning to look at River, he watched as the young woman shook, her hands gripping the controls, her face white as a sheet.

"What in the sphincter o' hell was that?" He bellowed.

Before she could answer the ship shuddered again, this time a large boom sounding through their ears. Whirling, Mal knew the sound of an explosion when he heard one and not waiting for an answer, he sprinted towards the engine room.

River could only sit, frozen with pain and shock as she guided the ship back to the surface and waited for the grieving to begin.

---- ----

Kaylee was in the engine room, feeling a hundred percent better than she had that morning. This morning's landing hiccup notwithstanding, Kaylee knew that her baby, her first baby, was indeed being neglected. The young mechanic had vowed to stay and check over each part so that she could know that Serenity was in perfect health.

Simon, ever the concerned doctor and boyfriend, had warned her not to overdo it, but Kaylee had just smiled that wide grin and kissed him, telling him she would be fine. As the engine had begun to spin, Kaylee had stepped back a bit, circling the large heart slowly to get a good look. With a critical eye, Kaylee saw something towards the back she didn't like and stepping forward, she saw the problem upon closer inspection.

Her face paling as she realized just how dire the situation could be, Kaylee turned to call the bridge as the engine sparked and Kaylee let out a small cry as the hot embers burned through her shirt. Turning with wide eyes to again regard the machinery, the last thing she saw was a blossom of flame before the couplings on the engine casing blew.

---- ----

Simon was in the infirmary, restocking some of the supplies the captain had picked up for him when the ship buckled. His concern instantly spiking, he was out the door and up the stairs, heading for the engine room when he heard the explosion. Falling onto his knees, Simon bit out a curse as pain shot through them at the impact. But as he saw Mal rushing forward from the bridge and smelled the acrid smoke of an electrical fire, Simon pushed himself up and sprinted down the hall, beating Mal to the engine room.

Skidding to a halt on the threshold, Simon covered his mouth and nose with his sleeve, doing his best to keep from inhaling too much. His eyes watering as the white smoke stung his eyes, Simon searched the room frantically.

"Kaylee!" he shouted, choking as he inhaled a bit of smoke. Mal, at his back, was also searching the room for any sign of his mei mei. Catching a glimpse, he pointed and yelled to Simon over the sound of the alarms. "There!" Pushing roughly on the younger man's shoulder, he told him, "You get 'er an' I'll put out that fire."

Simon barely heard him, his mind and body operating on auto-pilot as the fear he felt for Kaylee and their unborn child gripped his heart. Had he not been a trauma surgeon, trained for such an emergency as the one he was confronted with now, he knew the numbness he felt would have overpowered him.

Lunging forward, he knelt at Kaylee's side, coughing as more smoke filled his lungs. Scooping her up and into his arms, he tried to ignore the large gash along her forehead gushing blood and the sight of her burned, bare arms. Trying to ignore the dread he felt rising in his gut, he simply held her tightly to him and raced from the room.

---- ----

Simon wasn't fully aware of anything. The only thing he could concentrate on, the only thing that mattered to him was Kaylee. Edging closer to her, he checked the monitors surrounding her bed, reading them with a practiced eye in a matter of seconds. Knowing that she was stable, Simon again looked to her face and blinked rapidly to refocus his eyes. Careful of her head wound, Simon rested a hand to her cheek and kissed her lightly.

"Oh, Kaylee," he whispered against her lips. "You scared me today, bao bei." Caressing her cheek lightly with his thumb, he told her, "I love you."

She did not stir and Simon figured it was for the best. He did not want to think about the pain, both physical and emotional, that she would suffer through once she was awake. The second degree burns on her arms were bad, however, Simon had insisted they get her to a real medical facility, where they were now and the doctors had been able to salvage much of the skin, while also performing skin grafts. The cut on her forehead had required stitches, which Simon had taken care of on board Serenity, but she was suffering from a pretty severe concussion that the doctors were monitoring closely. She had various other contusions and abrasions that would cause her quite a bit of discomfort as she healed.

But it all paled in comparison to the knowledge that she had lost the baby. With a heavy sigh, Simon's eyes traveled from her face to her mid-section and he blinked back a tear at the thought that their child was dead. Given the trauma Kaylee had suffered, Simon had been relieved to know that she hadn't suffered any permanent damage, but he knew that his bao bei, the most loving person he had ever met would feel and grieve for their loss deeply and Simon could only hope he would be strong enough to see her through it.

Continuing to stare, Simon did not hear Inara enter the room. The companion had piloted the young couple to the medical facility with Mal in tow, the captain refusing to be separated from his mechanic. Sharing several significant glances on the way here, Inara already suspected that Kaylee was no longer pregnant and as soon as she saw Simon's slumped and defeated form at Kaylee's side, she knew she was right.

Blinking back tears at her mei mei's loss and the doctor's pain, Inara moved to his side and placed a light hand to his shoulder. Simon did not turn at the touch, keeping his eyes locked on Kaylee's face. Quietly, Inara told him, "The doctors have said she should be fine. They're expecting her to wake in a few hours."

Simon gave no reaction and Inara wasn't sure what she had been expecting. Looking past him to Kaylee, she took a deep breath and confided, "She's going to need you Simon, more than she ever has before."

Nodding once, Simon brought Kaylee's hand he was holding to his lips and kissed it softly. "I need her," he said hoarsely, his voice betraying the depth of his emotion.

Inara had no other words, no other comfort to provide and so, on silent feet, she left the room. Once in the hallway, Inara rested against the wall heavily, her head falling into her hands as a few of her tears escaped her tightly shut eyelids. It wasn't fair. No one deserved to suffer, but out of all of them, Kaylee deserved it less than anyone.

"Hey."

Looking up sharply, Inara wiped at her face and met Mal's puzzled gaze. Taking a step towards her, he asked softly, "Is Kaylee all right?"

Nodding, Inara waited a moment to collect herself, before she answered. "Yes, she should be fine."

Even more confused, Mal reached out hesitantly and brushed his thumb along her cheek, wiping away a few of her tears. "Then what's this all about?" he asked quietly.

Straightening to her full height, Inara tried to shrug it off. "Just a delayed reaction I guess. It was a trying day," she reminded him.

Attempting to move away from him and avoid any further questions, Inara was surprised when Mal's hand wrapped around her arm. Bringing her eyes to his, Inara inhaled sharply as she realized how close he was. Her breathing grew shallow as he took a step even closer and lowered his voice. "You gonna tell me what's really botherin' ya or not?"

Swallowing hard, Inara did her best to stifle the urge to tell him the truth. Knowing it wasn't her secret, she dropped her eyes from his and said softly, "I just hate seeing Kaylee hurt. She … she doesn't deserve it." Her voice ending in a whisper as another tear fell, Mal sighed quietly and without even thinking pulled her into a tight embrace.

Inara tensed for a moment in his hold, not expecting his intimacy, but within seconds she'd wrapped her arms around him, burying her face against his shoulder. Inhaling deeply, she tried to burn the smell of old leather and gun powder into her mind; it was so Mal.

Saying nothing, they both stood in each other's arms for a long while, thinking only of Kaylee so they wouldn't have to worry about the consequences of their current closeness.

---- ----

Kaylee could not open her eyes; they were too heavy and she found the thought of pulling her eyelids up a severely taxing one. Besides, at the moment, she was using all of her limited energy to suppress the cry of pain she felt rising in her throat as her body awoke fully and her injuries finally registered.

Confusion and fear mixing with her pain, Kaylee forced her eyes open, blinking rapidly against the bright light and croaked, "Simon."

"I'm here." His soft, reassuring voice immediately eased her fear and Kaylee let out a tiny sigh of relief. Trying to turn her head to look at him, she yelped slightly as the movement caused the dull ache in her head to turn into a sharp throb.

"Shh, don't try to move, bao bei," Simon told her gently, his hand resting against her face. Rising, he hovered above her, so she could see him without changing position. "You've sustained some pretty serious injuries. You need to lie still."

Swallowing hard in an effort to speak again, Kaylee focused her watery eyes on him and asked, "Is the ship okay?"

Smiling slightly, Simon told her, "Yes. River was able to land without causing any further damage."

Closing her eyes, Kaylee was grateful for that news. Her head still spinning as her pain spiked again, she asked, "Where are we?"

"In a clinic on Persephone," Simon explained, his hand running gently through her hair. "You needed medical attention."

Her eyes snapping open and going wide, Kaylee's chest began to heave as she realized what Simon had not said and what she should have realized the minute she woke up. Trying to reach for his hand and causing more pain to shoot through her burned limbs, she breathed, "The baby?"

Simon's throat constricted at the sound of pure fear in her voice. As her eyes grew bigger and pooled with tears, all he could do was shake his head slightly and murmur, "The baby's gone, Kaylee."

Squeezing her eyes shut, Kaylee felt hot tears roll down her cheeks. Even as the salt water stung the wounds on her face and her head and chest ached more intensely with her sobs, she could not hold back her emotions. Unable to move, unable to turn away, Kaylee felt such overwhelming grief she felt certain she might faint from the shock.

Simon watched her, his concern skyrocketing as her monitors began to protest. Glancing to them quickly, Simon told her, "Kaylee, you need to breathe. You need to calm down."

"I can't," she panted, blinking her eyes open as her vision became clouded with black. "I can't. Simon?"

A sharp wail signaled what Simon already knew to be true, Kaylee was fighting to breathe, her body suffering the shock of her physical trauma. He held tight to her hand as the doctors and nurses rushed into the room, one of them finally pushing him out of the way and ordering him to stand outside.

Overwhelmed finally by fear and sadness, Simon sank down to the floor, his knees to his chest and his head in his hands as he waited for these strangers to save his bao bei's life.

---- ----

Mal and Inara hurried towards Simon as the doctor finished briefing him on Kaylee's condition. Moving to the young man's side, Inara heard the older doctor tell him, "I've given her a sedative for the time being. Her body can't take the stress of another reaction like that."

Nodding glumly, Simon cast his eyes to the floor and let out a heavy sigh. "Thank you, doctor."

Giving the distraught man a sympathetic grin and nodding curtly to Inara and Mal he then moved off down the hall, leaving the three crewmen in the midst of a tense silence. Watching Simon closely, noting how the younger man was struggling to keep all of his emotions in check, Inara rested a light hand to his shoulder and asked softly, "Will she be all right?"

With another deep breath, Simon raised weary eyes to her and said quietly, "She should. She just needs rest and before …" Trailing off, Simon looked hesitantly to Mal and then back to Inara, the quick glance conveying to the other woman all she needed to know. "She hyperventilated before and it sent her system into shock."

"What'd ya say t'her?"

Mal's biting voice drew both sets of eyes to him and Simon actually flinched under the intensity of the other man's gaze. He wasn't up for this, not now. But whether Mal couldn't recognize the pain his medic was suffering or he just didn't care was hard to tell.

"What?" Simon asked tiredly.

"You musta said somethin' to set her off," Mal accused, taking a step closer so their noses were almost touching. "What stupid fool thing'd ya say now?"

"Mal," Inara intoned warningly, stepping forward and placing a light hand to his chest. "I think you need to calm down."

Shrugging off her touch, Mal continued to glare at Simon and said, "No. I wanna know what was so fool important Simon had to risk Kaylee's health – again."

"Again?" Simon's voice was incredulous, his eyes widening in disbelief. Rubbing a hand along the back of his neck, he felt his body growing more weary under the weight of his grief and the secret he was keeping.

"Maybe if she'd been sleepin' regular," Mal began, his voice a growl as he again stepped into Simon's face. "'Stead o' actin' like your personal ruttin' machine, the engine wouldn't o' blown. Maybe if you'da respected the fact that Kaylee has a job to do on my boat that don't involve sexin' you, she wouldn't even be in here right now."

His tiredness evolving into anger in a second, Simon's eyes blazed as he told the other man, "Maybe if you'd been able to respect the fact that I love Kaylee and Kaylee loves me she wouldn't have felt she needed to-"

Breaking off suddenly, Simon's chest heaved as he fought to keep their secret. It seemed foolish to bring it up now, knowing that the imminent arrival of a baby on Serenity no longer had anything to do with the captain. It was a private grief, between Simon and Kaylee and while he felt the need to protect it, he also felt the very real need to give back to Mal as good as he'd gotten.

"What Simon?" Mal challenged, not backing down and ignoring Inara's urgent tug on his arm. "What does my disrespect o' your relationship gotta do with this?"

Breathing in slowly, when Simon returned his eyes to Mal's face they were swirling pools of anger, sadness and pain and even the captain could recognize that. "Kaylee was tired because she was pregnant. We didn't know how to tell you. She was worried you'd kick her off the ship. So before you blame me for this accident, maybe you'd better think about what your bellowing and threatening has cost the people you claim to care about most."

As Mal staggered back a bit at this news, Simon continued in a measured voice, "Kaylee got upset before because I had to tell her our baby was dead."

Holding the older man's gaze for only a moment more, Simon let the silence weigh heavily on him before taking a step back and murmuring, "Excuse me," to Inara, and returning to Kaylee's side.

Mal watched his medic go, completely at a loss. Kaylee had been pregnant, with Simon's baby and now, she was sedated, lying in a hospital bed, no longer expecting a child. Staring dumbly at where Simon had been standing, Mal could only ask quietly, "Was pregnant?"

Inara glared at him, her own anger at his callous behavior boiling her blood. How he could be so uncaring towards Simon, after all the other man had been through, after all he had done for all of them, Kaylee least of all, Inara could not understand. Pursing her lips, she told him, "Yes, you idiot. Was."

Her eyes burning into him for a second more, Inara finally strode away in a huff, leaving Mal to stare at nothing and stew in his own sadness.

---- ----

One week later

---- ----

Kaylee awoke in the bunk she shared with Simon, tears already running down her cheeks. It was a constant state of being for her now, crying, and Kaylee could not remember a time in the past week when her eyes had not been red and puffy.

Simon had done all he could think of and all she would let him do, and Kaylee knew it was hurting him deeply whenever she pushed him away. But the sadness she felt far outweighed her love for him and while Kaylee had tried to share her grief with Simon, she had been unable to truly express all she was feeling.

Sighing, she raised stiff arms to her face, wincing slightly as the motion caused her still healing skin to pull taut. Her arms were wrapped in bandages and Kaylee feared what they would look like when Simon finally uncovered them. He had assured her that no one would ever be able to tell she had been burned, but Kaylee doubted that; if the pain were any indication, the damage was pretty bad.

Sitting up slowly, Kaylee sighed heavily, wishing that Simon were there. He had stayed by her side every minute she'd been in the hospital, but now that they were back on board, he had other things to attend to, and while he was with her more hours out of the day than not, his absence at this moment hit her particularly hard.

Hearing the shuffle of feet outside, Kaylee felt her heart flip over in anticipation, hoping it would be Simon. But the small voice that asked for entrance did not belong to her swai boyfriend. "Kaylee, it's River. Can I come in?"

"Sure sweetie," Kaylee answered, smoothing the sheets over her lap and fluffing her hair. She assumed she looked a mess, but knowing that River would not care, she simply gave up and waited.

With a timid step and a small smile, River slid open the screen, leaving it ajar as she moved to Kaylee's bedside and took a seat. Reaching for her hand and squeezing it gently, River's wide, brown eyes bored into Kaylee, making the other woman increasingly uncomfortable.

Pulling her hand away and dropping her eyes to study her lap, Kaylee asked, "Did ya need somethin' sweetie?"

Blinking back tears as a fresh wave of the grieving mother's pain stabbed her heart, River said quietly, "Have to help."

"Help who?" Kaylee asked, her voice small as she brought concerned eyes back to River's conflicted face. "Is somebody in trouble?"

Nodding once, River reached for Kaylee's hands again, this time holding onto them both firmly and saying, "You."

Swallowing thickly, Kaylee stared at her for a moment and then said, "No, sweetie. I'm gonna be fine, even Simon says." Dropping her voice to a whisper, she added, "I don't need any help."

With a heavy sigh, River felt Kaylee retreat into her denial and knew that this would be difficult. She had thought that perhaps confronting the woman outright would help to break loose the pain and grief she still had not let go of, but as it had been with her brother, River was going to have to do something a bit more drastic so that Kaylee could accept her loss and truly move on.

Releasing her hands, River rose and Kaylee prayed the girl would leave. She felt more tears falling, and she wiped at them hurriedly, more simply falling behind them. She watched with mild curiosity as River, instead of heading for the door, went towards the dresser she shared with Simon and pulled open a middle drawer. Inhaling sharply, the protest rose on Kaylee's lips, but her voice abandoned her and so she was powerless to say anything as River reached in and pulled something out.

Turning back to Kaylee with a look of pure sadness, she held out the material and told her, "You have to say goodbye."

"Give that to me," Kaylee bit out, reaching for the baby blanket and snatching it from River. Holding it tightly to her chest, Kaylee cried harder and finally managed to order, "Get out."

River held her ground, her own tears falling as Kaylee's emotions, raw and real bubbled to the surface. Her vulnerability causing her to spiral quickly out of control, Kaylee buried her face into the soft blanket and sobbed heavily. Feeling guilt for causing such a reaction, no matter how necessary, River took a step towards the woman's trembling form laying a light hand to her shoulder.

At the touch, Kaylee jerked back violently and raised burning eyes to the girl. "Get out!" The shout was loud and painful and River jumped in spite of herself.

"River?"

Turning and giving her brother an apologetic look, she moved to him and said quietly, "She needs you now. Stay with her." Glancing over her shoulder at the still wailing woman, River knew the next few minutes would get much worse before they got better. Looking back to her brother, she squeezed his arm gently and said, "No matter what."

As River retreated quickly, Simon stared off after her for only a moment, his primary concern at the moment helping Kaylee. Moving into their bunk, he slid the screen shut and moved to her side, holding her lightly by the shoulders. His breath caught in his throat as he saw what she was so desperately clutching.

Before he could question it, she raised pained eyes to him and said, "River had no business gettin' this out." Hiccupping as her sobs subsided, Kaylee stared back at the soft green fabric and murmured, "She ain't got no right."

Simon did not know what to do. It was a feeling he was getting fairly accustomed to and while he did not like it, he was also powerless to change it. The sight of the baby blanket wrapped in her hands cut him to the quick. They had only known for a little over a month that they would be parents, but Simon had quickly warmed to the fact that he would be a father. That Kaylee would be the mother of his child, forever linking the two of them together. And while River had only given them the gift a few days before the accident, Simon had already envisioned his son or daughter snuggled inside it as he cradled the baby to his chest and rocked the little one to sleep.

Blinking back fresh tears of his own, Simon moved his hands from Kaylee's shoulders and cradled her face. Her eyes slowly focusing on him, Kaylee saw her own pain and grief reflected in his blue eyes and inhaled sharply, fresh tears pooling and falling silently. "I don't know what to do," she finally admitted, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Embracing her tightly, Simon pulled Kaylee into his chest, holding her firmly even as she tensed against him. He would not let her push him away, not any more. Regardless of what she did or said, Simon needed her and he needed her to mourn with him. He had been suffering on his own and it was quickly becoming too much.

Pressing a kiss to her temple, Simon whispered in her ear, "I love you," hoping it would be the right thing to say.

Apparently it was. In an instant, Kaylee fell into him heavily, her entire body shaking with the weight of more tears. Simon held her firmly, his own tears falling into her soft hair.

"I keep thinkin' I coulda done somethin' different," Kaylee cried, her voice thick with sobs. "I shoulda known somethin' was wrong. I shoulda not-"

"Kaylee," Simon said urgently, pulling her back from him and pressing a finger to her mouth. "Don't," he told her quietly, his eyes begging her to stop placing blame. "Don't do this, please. It was an accident, there was nothing you could have done differently."

"But I was carryin' the baby," she hastened to explain, her own tone imploring him to see reason. "It was my job to keep our baby safe an' I didn't."

"No," Simon said softly, his hands again holding her face, his forehead resting against hers. Letting out a quiet sigh, he said, "Kaylee, this is not your fault."

"Yes it is," she whispered. "It is, Simon. It is my fault."

Shaking his head, Simon told her, "No, Kaylee, it's not. Please, please don't do this to yourself."

"I gotta blame somebody," she responded, her voice dropping an octave, her tone growing hard. "There's gotta be a reason our baby died."

Running his hands along her cheeks, Simon studied her cold gaze and asked, "Why?"

"'Cause I wanna be mad," she confided, focusing her gaze on his and sending a shiver up his spine. "I wanna be mad 'bout it so I don't hafta …" Hearing the tone in her voice and feeling the way her mind and heart shut down at this admission, Kaylee felt a cold tingle spread out from the center of her chest and reach her limbs. This wasn't her, she knew that, but faced with the option of sadness, she would rather be angry, regardless of what the long term effects might be.

Trembling as that cold feeling only worsened, Kaylee felt relief as Simon wrapped his arms around her, keeping her warm. "Being mad won't bring our child back, Kaylee," he said softly. "And neither will blaming yourself."

Inhaling a shaky breath, Kaylee knew he was right. But her anger masked the pain and she knew, based on this last week that pain was debilitating. At least angry, she could still function. Maybe not love or laugh as she once did, but she could survive.

"It don't matter," she told him quietly, her voice muffled as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I wanna be angry."

"Well, I don't," Simon admitted, leaning back from her with a tortured expression on his face. "I don't, Kaylee. I've been angry and you know what? It doesn't help. It only hurts more in the end. And I can't stand to live through that again, and I couldn't stand to see you live through it either."

"Did it ever occur to you that grievin' is personal?" Kaylee's eyes flashed with resentment and she backed completely out of Simon's embrace. "I can be mad if'n I wanna."

Simon opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. She was right, she could be mad and there would be nothing he could do; but Simon needed her to grieve so that he could, he needed her to let that anger go so that he would know it was all right to be sad, to be hurt, that it was all right to feel the overwhelming pain that beat in his chest where his heart should be.

As she continued to stare daggers at him, Simon felt his heart breaking, sinking in pieces to the soles of his feet. With a heavy sigh, he said quietly, "Kaylee, you're right, mourning is very personal and everyone deals with it in their own way." Nodding resolutely at his assessment and glad that she had won the battle, Kaylee continued to glare at him as he admitted softly, "But being angry all the time, it … I can't take that." Raising his eyes back to her face, Simon took her gently by the shoulders again and whispered, "I need you. I need your help to get through this." Searching her eyes for answers, Simon watched as they widened again at his show of vulnerability. With a pleading whisper, he told her, "Please, Kaylee, help me through this. Help me say goodbye."

Her eyes locked onto his, Kaylee really studied him for the first time in days and saw all of what he had been struggling to hide. Simon was suffering, just as she was, and while Kaylee may have known that, in the back of her mind, his plea for help and his intense gaze drove the point home so hard it hurt. Cupping his face in her hands, Kaylee told him quietly, "Oh, Simon. I'm so sorry."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she held him to her instead, and felt his body shake as he sobbed into her shoulder. And Kaylee cried again as well. Hearing Simon release his hurt, she felt that last inner well of anger fade away. It had only been a stop gap really, a construct she had fabricated to mask her all-encompassing pain. It had not been formed to withstand the strain of true love, of Simon's love for her and hers for him.

How long they cried together, they didn't know. Simon held onto Kaylee fiercely, determined not to let her go. She had barely let him touch her in the past week and the feeling of her now, wrapped around him, offered him more comfort and solace than he had ever thought possible.

Pulling back slightly, Simon brushed away a few of her tears before pressing a light kiss to her mouth. As they parted, he murmured, "I love you."

Wrapping him to her tightly once more, Kaylee told him, "I love you too, Simon." Biting her lip as another fear gripped her, she breathed against his cheek, "We're gonna be okay, right?"

His heart beating sharply against his rib cage, Simon swallowed thickly as he leaned back and took in the sight of her beautiful face. "I love you," he repeated firmly. "And I will always love you, I know that. I knew that the minute you smiled at me." Caressing her cheek lightly, he told her, "We'll get through this and we'll be stronger for it."

"An' we can try again?" Kaylee asked hopefully, a twinkle lighting her eyes for the first time in days.

With a small smile, Simon nodded. "Yes, of course. I want to be the father of your children, Kaylee. I want to make love to you and wake up with you every day for the rest of my life." As her eyes again watered at his admission, Simon continued, hoping he wouldn't lose his nerve. "I want to hold you when you cry and celebrate with you when you're happy. I want to make a home with you and grow old with you." Dropping his voice to a whisper, he added, "I want to make a life with you, Kaylee, because you are my life."

Biting back a sob, this time one of happiness, Kaylee threw her arms back around his neck and showered kisses all over his face, finally bringing her lips to his and kissing him passionately. She felt better, lighter than she had since the accident and more loved than she could ever remember feeling in her entire life. She wondered briefly how such a tragedy could bring about such happiness, but then she remembered the first few heady days after Miranda when she and Simon had finally gotten together. It had been tragedy and joy then as well.

Simon's hand cradled the back of her head and he pulled her tighter to him as their tongues met in a passionate tangle. Crushing his lips to hers, Simon heard Kaylee whimper against him. Pulling away quickly for fear that he had hurt her, Simon's eyes roamed over her quickly as he asked breathlessly, "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine," she told him, trying to catch her breath. Smiling sheepishly at him, she admitted, "I jus' wish I knew how to help ya, like you helped me." As Simon struggled to find an appropriate response, she said, "I feel like I should give ya somethin' for all them nice words."

Smiling at her, Simon reached for her hands and held them gently. "I only want you."

Brushing another kiss to his mouth, Kaylee assured him, "Oh, you got that, don't you worry none."

Holding each other's gazes for a moment, easily lost in whirlwind of their emotions, Simon and Kaylee felt their love, grief, loss, happiness, remorse, joy all ebb and flow. With a heavy sigh, Kaylee sat back against her pillows, her body worn out from all the emotions and still healing from her injuries. Pulling her gaze from Simon's, her eyes again alighted to the blanket in her lap.

With shaking hands, she reached for it and folded it neatly, smoothing it into her lap, her eyes never leaving it. Simon's eyes followed her movements, his throat constricting as he watched her. As she rested a hand on top of the soft blanket and closed her eyes for a moment, Simon reached out and covered hers with his own.

Bringing her gaze back to his, Kaylee waited as he asked, "Do you want to get rid of it?"

Swallowing thickly, Kaylee looked back to the blanket and then to Simon. Shaking her head slightly, she held it up to him and answered, "Maybe we should just put it away."

Smiling softly, Simon brushed his lips to hers and then took the blanket, returning it to the back of the drawer where his sister had found it.

Returning to Kaylee's side, he smiled even wider as he noticed that she had sunk down onto the mattress, scooting over to leave room for him. Lightly patting the empty space beside her and smiling up at him, Simon kicked off his shoes and stripped out of his clothes, leaving on his boxers, before sliding into bed with her.

Sighing contentedly as Kaylee snuggled back into his side, her body molding perfectly against his, Simon felt better than he had all week. Pressing a kiss into her hair, he rested his cheek against her forehead, knowing this would probably be his first good night's rest in a while.

Kaylee's hand drew small circles on his bare chest as she reveled in the warmth of his body and the strength of his embrace. Closing her eyes and inhaling deeply, Kaylee's mind wandered, recalling the pain of their grief and the beauty of Simon's words; the depth of their love and the-

Propping herself up abruptly, Kaylee stared at Simon open-mouthed as he opened his eyes to regard her concernedly. "Are you all right, bao bei?" he asked hurriedly, his hand to her cheek.

Nodding slightly, she stared for another minute before finding her voice. "Simon," she began slowly, doing her best to collect her thoughts. "Before, when you said all them nice words …" He nodded once and Kaylee swallowed hard, stammering, "Well, it kinda sounded like … I mean, a person could think …"

Swallowing hard himself, Simon realized that she had caught on to his ulterior motive. He'd been thinking of asking her for a while, but in light of the accident, he'd decided to hold off. However, as he'd looked into her face and gazed intently into her eyes just minutes before, the words he'd been rehearsing had just poured out. Thinking she'd taken them at face value for what they were, a declaration of his love, Simon had thought she'd missed the double meaning. Judging by the look on her face now, he'd thought wrong.

Frustrated at her inability to just speak clearly, Kaylee finally blurted out, "Did you just ask me t'marry ya?"

A small grin turning up the corners of his mouth, Simon did not answer her, but instead drew her mouth back to his and kissed her deeply. Pulling away, Kaylee held Simon's gaze and breathed, "Well then, my answer's yes."

---- ----


End file.
